and everything in between

I have a blog? Oh yeah....

2009-11-30T15:17:00.002-06:00

Hello blog! I have forgotten about you, I sincerely apologize. My mind has been busy as of late. I am pregnant!!!! Holy Moly! Number 3 on its way in early June of next year. My first trimester was a slightly rougher than the previous two, but I am feeling MUCH better! Again, I'll have two babies in diapers, but life will be splendid none the less. Three shall be a wonderful circus of family life, I can't wait!
I will be done with my Craniosacral program in January, time has FLOWN by! I am excited to continue to work throughout this pregnancy and get back to work after the baby is born. Nothing seems to phase me anymore, I am always expecting changes in life, its a good thing I am comfortable with redirection. Someday I hope to sit and watch the sunset on the porch with Russell, but for now I am thrilled with new adventures. Onward and upward!

Warp speed

2009-10-15T15:06:00.004-05:00

Why do I feel like I have somehow missed the last year? Where did all the time go? Its almost cold here (well in a couple more months we might need long pants for a few days). Orion is ALMOST 2!!! He is talking up a storm, and has become quite the ladies man. Leilani is 3 and a half and is simmering in all her "3-ness". It must be hard to be 3, you're not a baby, but you are not a big kid either. Its almost like adolescence, stuck in between. The days are very long right now, but the months are non-existent. I had wanted to slow things down, but it has been harder than expected.
We are all still eating a gluten free vegan diet over here, which has its pros and cons. All I want to eat right now is fall food, soup, stew, pasta, more soup. That doesn't vary much for my poor starving family. The kids are happy with almost anything (leilani has become fairly picky as of late), but at least she loves butternut squash soup. It has been such an overhaul for us, but I am loving the health that comes with it.
I can't wait to post pics of our family Halloween costumes! Leilani is going to be Sleeping Beauty and has requested that we (her royal court) attend to her. Russell shall be her Prince (but of course), I the Queen, and Orion the ferocious tiny dragon. Russ will even have HAIR for the day, how fabulous, what a sport! We love Halloween around here, although my kids know very little about candy, since they never get any. They eagerly await their daily vitamins, that's how much they know of candy. ;-) Halloween is more about the pretend than the candy (for now). We will offer a trade again this year for all of the candy loot.
I promise to keep up more with this poor blog, as soon as I can figure out how to slow time down. Pictures to come, I promise!

Summer vacation

2009-08-12T13:23:00.011-05:00

Perhaps when its over 100 degrees for over 40 days in a row your brain starts to melt, and everything runs together. It seems as if the summer just started and here we are nearly the official school start. I have really slooooowed things down this summer, I even tried to put the brakes on my kids getting older, but alas they continue to sprout before my eyes.

Since I dramatically changed our families eating habits nearly 3 months ago, I guess I changed the way we lived along with it. I am really ok with the kids being 'bored', it means I am not over scheduling them. Although I haven't seen our playgroup friends as much as I would like, maybe when every body's schedules become more concrete in the fall we'll see them more often. If you haven't seen us in a while its because I am at Whole Foods or in the kitchen, or playing trucks with Orion while Leilani is at school.

The last few months have FLOWN by, and in a few weeks I go back to school again, how can that be? I even got a couple requests for work in Sept and October... are we really THAT close? yikes. It looks like I need to slow things down even more. Hmmm if only I could pause time.

We DID have some fun this summer, even if it was fast.

Leilani got to travel to North Carolina with Russell to visit Abuela and Grandpa Jim (Russell's parents). Orion and I got a quiet week together, which showed me just how much his world revolves around his sister. Leilani got to see beautiful waterfalls and head out on the lake for some fishing, fun fun fun.

Both of the kids took a week of swim lessons with "Dean" up at the Good Earth Day School pool. They loved the water, hopefully we can get them another lesson soon, keep those skills up!

And Russ and I just got back yesterday from Seattle. Our friend Traci married a great guy, Dale, on Saturday, but we took the opportunity to stay a few extra days to soak in the fantastic NW weather! (ok it was cloudy and drizzly, but it was in the 60's who could ask for a better break?!)

Russ was a great sport the entire trip. He's not much for the clouds, but I LOVE them! He even agreed to go on a guided boat tour in the fore casted rain, what a sweetheart. We traveled all over the city and even headed up the ride the ferry all around the San Juan islands, out to Friday Harbor and back. (We honeymooned in Friday Harbor 5 years ago) I ADORE Seattle. If the rest of my family would follow me, I'd move there in a heartbeat.

I found a cafe online (in a search for vegetarian restaurants) where we ate twice. The Flying Apron Bakery in Fremont is Vegan and gluten free, serving cafe lunches and baked goods. I had to stock up on baked goods for my next morning breakfasts too. It made me want to open a bakery just like it here in Austin, seriously. I MUST find a recipe for the maple berry layered cake they had, it was heavenly! They don't use any preserves in their food and almost everything in their store is organic, wahoo! With that restaurant and the fact we were a mile from a fantastic Whole Foods store, we had no trouble finding food to eat on our trip, whew!

Glad to be home, ready for the fall to come. I know I know, it won't be fall here until November, but I can't wait!

Wow! A month already?

2009-06-20T20:12:00.005-05:00

It has officially passed the month mark on my adventure with eating vegan.... and we will continue. I am feeling fantastic! And Orion, sweet little Orion is flourishing! Russell is a good sport and really understands the "why?" of how we are eating. I am blessed to be married to someone who "gets" me and the way I think. And when he doesn't understand he is still patient and willing to go along for the ride. The food we've been eating has been full of flavor and fills our tummies! I have also started drinking Kombucha as it has enormous digestive benefits. I promised Russell I would only try it for 2 weeks (by the $3.59 bottle) and if I wanted to continue I'd start making my own, wahoo! So far, so good! I'll have to update again if things start to change, otherwise this is most likely a permanent change (at least for me and possibly Orion)

The cookbook that is shown above is our new eating bible practically. The Whole Life Nutrition Cookbook (click link to purchase) We LOVE the delicious recipes in this book, ans she gives great tips and descriptions on preparing whole foods. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone, not just vegetarians. There are a few tasty looking meat recipes in there too. Check it out. I also have a link to her blog on my blog list, definitely worth looking at! (I am in no way affiliated with this company, I just REALLY love the cookbook! )

I am starting to feel more connected with purpose, with the planet, my work, my family and everything else. When the food fog clears its amazing to see what was not visible before. The Biodynamic Craniosacral work that I do is all about lifting "the veil" to reveal what is normally "unseen" and to offer space and a renewed sense of original purpose for the client. When I am more clear in what I feel, the work unfolds exponentially. I have been in class for 4 days this week and already I have noticed the extra depth in my work that was not present over a month ago. And no the picture above does not mean I am pregnant, its representative of my ability to see the whole picture clearer and in a different way than before. :-)

I am trying to bring in more Craniosacral clients into my practice, I know that this work has substantial benefits and I'd LOVE to be able to share it with more people.

Offer

2009-06-01T17:43:00.001-05:00

I decided to post this video since it had an impact on my food eating choices. It was sent to me from a dear friend, and I can't resist sharing. It's a You Tube video set to Alanis Morisette's song "Offer".
I felt sick to my stomache that I had been consuming in excess food that was not even food, while people all over the world struggle to survive, day in and day out. By taking advantage of the wholesome foods the Earth has to offer, I am not supporting huge factory farms who destroy our rainforests and pollute our soil. The grain that is grown in most countries is primarily raised to feed farm animals, instead of feeding the people who have nothing to eat. This video is pretty powerful in that respect.

Alanis Morissette - Offer

Who am I to be blue
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house

Who
Who am I to feel deadend
Who am I to feel spent
Look at my health and my money

And where
Where do I go to feel good
Why do I still look outside me
When clearly I've seen it won't work

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable?
And is it my job to be selfless extraordinary?
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And why
Why do I feel so ungrateful
Me who is far beyond survival
Me who see life as an oyster

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable?
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinary?
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And how
How dare I rest on my laurels
How dare I ignore an outstretched hand
How dare I ignore a third world country

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable?
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairy?
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

2 weeks in

2009-06-01T14:48:00.006-05:00

And no new blog to keep track of my vegan switch over, why? BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS IN THE KITCHEN COOKING! :-) Actually there is some truth in that jest. I have been cooking A LOT, but wonderful fresh food. Last week I fed my family over 90% freshly prepared food, not from a box or can. For ME, that is a miracle. I am loving the way I feel, in fact I am pleased to say that I am feeling better now than I did several years ago. The first week was hard, not in the desire to eat meat or consume dairy products, but my body was detoxing from all that meat eating. I actually feel lighter, (technically I am lighter by 6 pounds too), but I am feeling lighter in the belly and less brain fog to boot.

I have never had the desire to learn to cook before, in fact I'd go as far to say that I despised cooking. Part of that hate was my anger at food for making my baby sick or rashy. It was my way to detach from food. Besides, food was making me feel ill and disconnected from the Earth. Most of our family meals consisted of brown rice (pre-cooked and frozen, then microwaved), a boring veggie with little to no seasoning, and a meat (mostly turkey, fish, occasional bison, or lamb). zzzzzzzzzzz. boring I know. I was feeling trapped by Orion's food sensitivities, and my lack of desire to do more.

I don't know what struck me to change the way I was viewing food. All I know is that I actually look forward to buying whole foods and preparing yummy meals and snacks for my family. I am excited to learn new recipes I can try, the kids have LOVED all the muffins I've made.

Leilani is in a phase where she doesn't want to try anything I make (I am sure its just the age talking) and Orion has been game for almost everything, and so far his digestive system is tolerating everything we've given him, and we've tried a lot of new food with him. Russell, sweet Russell has been a good sport so far. I told him that if he wanted junk food or meat he'd have to buy it himself, and so far he's ok with that arrangement. I think he's having a harder time adjusting to life with far less meat. He even requested the Sunflower Seed Burgers again. :-)

Doing this much food prep and cooking has made me re-evaluate my family priorities as well. I am a big fan of "slow parenting" please visit http://slowfamilyliving.com/ , which puts family above social agenda. I want even more time with my kids, better time, more connection. Somehow by making the time to be home to cook, I have chosen to be with my family more than before, and I love it. I even woke up at 5:30am on Sunday morning to make my kids from- scratch pancakes, and it felt way better than our usual waffles in the toaster routine. I am even considering taking Orion out of school for a year so I can have some one on one time with him when Leilani is at school.

Things, they are a shifting.. and I am loving the ride!

I want to add, I have been cooking almost soley by my new favorite cookbook and healthy eating guide http://www.wholelifenutrition.net/ the Whole Life Nutrition Cookbook. Her blog always has great recipes and tips too.

I know this is boring for those of you who already cook like this.. but I am an excited newbie, so I took pics of my new cooking skills ;-)

purple cauliflower, who knew?

Curry cauliflower and carrot soup, with coconut milk, and some kale, rice, and chickpea "salad"

Orion devouring his banana and apple muffin for his half birthday celebration!

Vegan for a month?

2009-05-16T19:23:00.005-05:00

Over the past 2 months or so I have hemmed and hawed over trying to eat less meat and dairy, and more veggies and grains. Since our eating has been completely changed by the last 18 months, this new step really doesn't seem as difficult as it might have a year and a half ago.

I am dabbling with being a vegan and with macrobiotics. The ideas make perfect sense to me, but it may be a difficult road ahead with the transformation. I understand that food has a dramatic effect on our bodies, and how the body functions with every bite. I get it. I just have a hard time actually following through, since I've had my whole life to eat whatever I felt like eating without thinking of how it might affect me. I am so emotionally attached to food that it feels like I am breaking up a 30 year relationship, granted this doomed relationship has been showing me some big red flags over the past couple of years. I cling to the thought of food and how it makes me feel, but on the other hand I am ready for a drastic change.

I love you ice cream, but I think it's time for you to move on, you are no good for me, or my family.

Ok, so what am I cutting out? Anything that had a mother, including eggs, milk and all milk products, soy, refined sugar, and caffeine (that will be a b*!@% to give up) and most other nasty products like saturated fats and high fructose corn syrup (although we eat extremely little to none of that right now). Plus we don't eat wheat at home, I don't eat it at all.

For how long? At least 60 days. 30 days to rid our bodies of these foods, and a month to try it out fully. If we feel better and the kids are still thriving and happy, we'll continue, if not we'll re-evaluate.

I have made lots of vegan friends over the last 8 years who have proven that people can survive on dandelion green salads and still be happy in life. I thought they were CRAZY 8 years ago, now I am hopping in the veggie boat and sailing off with my quinoa and kale in hand.

I am considering posting a separate blog to post all my trials and tribulations of my biggest food experiment yet. No need to update everyone on this blog. I'll post a link on the side, if you are bored and want to follow me through this. :-)

Wish me luck!

Cleared for take-off!

2009-05-07T07:13:00.005-05:00

Our large, sweet yet dumb dog Ben LOVES to run. Along the fence line. A lot. See, we live on a corner lot, where the school bus passes every morning and afternoon, the UPS trucks zip back and forth, and the kids ride their bikes to and fro. And Ben, chases every single one of them, jumping every 10 feet or so to peek his head over the fence to say hello. Literally jumping straight up he charges up and down the 50 or so feet of our yard. Needless to say, he has made a path, well, let me change that, he has made a 4 feet wide path of mud. The grass has been destroyed as well as the ground beneath it. So we have begun a large landscaping project, I now affectionately call Ben's "runway". We are adding gravel to his path, in hopes we can eliminate the large mud pit, and the kids can play in the backyard without the need for an immediate bath (dog included). The rocks are being delivered this morning, but we still have LOTS of work to be done before they even get touched. I spent almost 7 hours in the yard yesterday digging down 5 inches, so the rocks have a bed to lay in. Russ gets to install the edging and weed control stuff while I work, then we both get to haul rocks for what seems to me will be forever.

Let's just hope the dog will actually run on the gravel. If he starts the run on the grass next to it, I am going to cry. :-) Whew! Off to work!

Food: my love/hate relationship with a life essential

2009-04-29T08:38:00.006-05:00

I am going crazy and needed somewhere to vent... here I go!

Since the first days after sweet Orion was born 17 months ago, I have battled with food.

I should preface, I have always struggled with food in some ways. My rear has a close relationship with the sugar habit I have had since childhood. But the current fight is of a different kind.

This battle come in the form of food sensitivities and allergy type reactions to food and beverages. Both Orion and I have adjusted our intake of food to what feels like for me a substantial level. When the little dude was born I started having horrible headaches and backaches, which were not being relieved by Chiropractic care, Advil, heat, ice, nada. I figured out that I should try to eliminate gluten and sugar from my diet, which I did and I got instant relief from the headaches etc. At the same time, Orion's eczema and ALL over body rashes started within weeks of birth, as pictured below. He itched so bad it BROKE my heart!

Here begins the start of food elimination diets to heal my poor baby. Nothing has been the same since. I cut out all trigger foods from my diet (since we nursed for his first 9 months), that included tomatoes, white potatoes, eggplant, peppers, cow's milk, eggs, soy, wheat, fish, and nuts. AND we cut out shellfish, red meat.. and so much more I can't even remember. We also changed ALL soaps, shampoos, deoderant, etc in the house over and over.

I lost A LOT of weight, partially because all I ate was chicken, rice and veggies, it seemed. Orion's rashes diminished and were just little patches on his face for the most part.

Once he self weaned at 9 months onto formula his face cleared up. There must have been something I didn't eliminate that was still bothering him.

He was late to start solid foods, because I had developed a true fear of feeding my baby. Once he started eating real food... the diaper rashes started. This poor kid has had a diaper rash for at least half of his life. And not just red.. sometimes bleeding and comes about instantaneously. I sometimes get nauseous and tear up when I change him because I can't stop the pain. Its agonizing. And no they aren't yeast infections either.. we've tried everything. His cloth diapers became a nightmare because no matter how they were washed they reeked when he even peed.

So where does this all leave us now? Mortified to eat. I am in a state of terror when I feed him a new food. Yesterday, Russell was eating strawberries on his granola and we gave Orion 1/2 of one in tiny pieces. He loved it. Then he begged for more... "taw-bay-we" over and over. Tears literally shot from his eyes onto his highchair tray. It was truly the saddest thing I have ever seen. My heart broke in a million pieces, so I gave him a bit more. I haven't seen any major reaction, so we are giving him more today. We do this for every new food. This child has yet to experience the world of delicious foods... ice cream, pineapple, oranges, berries, mango, the list goes ON and ON. I can't explain the amount of sadness I have in not being able to feed my child whatever he desires to try. And he wants to try EVERYTHING!

For a girl who LOVES food, this is torture. It also leads me to feel tremendous guilt whenever we leave the safety of the house. I can't just take him out to eat, there isn't anything I can just grab while I am "out", or that he can share at a playdate with his friends. If I run errands close to lunchtime and they get hungry, I have to rush home.

If he eats a new food and breaks out in a rash, I feel guilty. If he is still starving because he's eaten all the turkey I have cooked, and I don't have any other food to give him.. I feel awful. I am not kidding you I had a semi-panic attack a week ago when I realized we were out of gluten free waffles for breakfast. There is really nothing else he eats in the am. I hate myself for not understanding his triggers, somehow it feels like my fault. I am his mother, I should be keeping him healthy and happy. (I do understand that this isn't my fault.. but I grew him in my body and birthed him gently into this world.. so I feel a sense of responsibility to him)

We have taken him to many pediatricians AND a great Naturopath, but none have truly been "it". Nobody has been able to tell me anything but "he'll grow out of it", or "his blood allergy test says he's only allergic to eggs and oats, so you should be able to feed him everything else". Phooey on you people, thanks for the no help. I would prefer someone actually says... "I have NO idea, here is a list of other kinds of specialists that might help", but so far.. nobody has given me names. So I am on a search for a pediatric gastroenterologist. I think its his gut, and his inability to digest food properly.

As for me, once I started to use hormones at 8 months post, my body went haywire. I didn't notice how awful I felt until January or so. Once I stopped with the hormones I felt less crazy and somewhat healthier, but there is STILL something going on. I have all sorts of weird symptoms, that I won't discuss online, that are beginning to worry me. I guess I need to find some specialists for myself as well. All of these elimination diets are MAKING ME CRAZY! I just can't take it any more, Sometimes I dream about eating a "fully leaded" pizza... with a flour crust and covered with tomato sauce and cheese, and all the things I haven't been eating. I ache to go to the Alamo Drafthouse and order a pizza and a beer, maybe even a pitcher. ;) Alas, that is not going to happen until I can figure out what is going on.

ahh. I feel better just being able to write all of this out. This has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with for such a sustained period of time. Big deep breath. It will all be ok, for both of us. He is a happy little fireball and I a happy mom, all that is truly important is well.

pic by bonnieberryphotography.com

Independent Project

2009-04-20T08:27:00.005-05:00

The Craniosacral program that I am in is the equivalent of a Masters program. It has been the most eye opening and brain stretching information I have ever studied, and I LOVE it! Over the 2 year course (of which I am over half way through, WOW!) I am required to do an independent study project and write up some sort of paper to explain what I have learned, and how I arrived there. This part of the program was giving me heart palpitations since its been a while since I have had to write 12 pages of anything, let alone about something that is technical and extraordinary. The plain option was to do a 12 page write up of all the cranial nerves and their functions etc... OR do your own chosen project. Cranial nerves???? No thanks too technical, although I still need to know all the info anyway. So where does that leave me? Kids.
I am going to write up detailed descriptions of my sessions with kiddos from birth to age 5, and find out the extra specifications to working with children. So if you get a note from me asking to bring your kids in to see me, you'll know why.
I am looking forward to doing more Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy with my clients as time goes on. The work can be life changing, and just down right awesome. Want a really detailed description of what I do?.. read this. (by John Chitty RCST http://www.energyschool.com/)

update...
Ok, so I just posted this entry but I have since had what they call an epiphany! I am going to keep my final project under wraps until I have more of a handle on how to present it.. I will re-write a new post when that all happens. Should be good!! :)

Yeehaw! It's bluebonnet season!

2009-04-05T09:33:00.021-05:00

It's time again for annual bluebonnet photos!!! Its the one thing I LOVE about Texas! Being a transplant, I am sure I am more excited about bluebonnets than the locals who have seen them every year since birth and could care less. It is a sure sign of spring and warm, ok make that HOT months ahead! We have taken bluebonnet photos since Leilani was 4 weeks old, and will continue until they think they are too cool to pose for photos off the side of 1431 (gasp! their friends might see them! ;) )

This year its obvious how much they love playing with each other. They are coming into such a fun relationship now, it usually so fun to watch them together.

I can't seem to find all the digital files from previous years, but you get the idea! Enjoy!

Oh, and the music is by George Strait, Texas..

awww... sweet little Leilani 4 weeks old

Leilani 13 months

Orion 5 months

Leilani 2 years

Leilani 3 years Orion 16 months (this years pics)

Supposedly she's trying to catch him, but it looks very similar to other acts of sibling love ;)

Livemom.com giveaway!

2009-03-24T14:42:00.003-05:00

The wonderful Catherine from Livemom.com has put up a full hour massage as her livemom giveaway this week!! Brought to you by ME! So, if you haven't already, head on over to Livemom.com and enter a reply in the comment section to enter yourself into the random drawing for the FREE one hour session! How awesome is that?!!
Livemom.com is a great local blog by a mother of two. Catherine writes about local events, businesses, and other delights about being a mom and living in Austin. Keep your eye out in the near future for a post all about yours truly and my business. Quick.. get on over to livemom.com before Sunday to enter into the drawing!!
I am also listed on livemom's "Save On, Mom" Discount Card, which saves you $10 off any service when you show me your "Save On, Mom" card! While you are entering into the giveaway, sign up for your discount card too! It's free to get one right now, normally priced at $24.95.

Blessings

2009-03-04T07:55:00.008-06:00

On Monday night I had the privilege of attending a Blessingway for 5 of the beautiful women in my mother's group. All of which are full with child... and are due to give birth between a few weeks from now and sometime in June. These lovely ladies are preparing for their second child... and all have a 3 year old (or close to) at home.

A Blessingway is similar to a baby shower, only its just about the mother and her transformation into motherhood and preparation for birth. We made them all special strings of beads to take with them during their labors. Each bead was carefully chosen for specific reasons by each attendee and strung with love. We shared our hopes for each new mother for their births and for their families once the babies arrive.

Several of the women have chosen me to attend their births as their doula, which humbles me to no end. I hope I can bring some grounding presence to their births, and help them (and their wonderful husbands) feel safe and strong throughout this wondrous process.

Each mama is so special and will be such wonderful mother of two! I am looking forward to meeting their new little ones oh so very soon!

They each got henna on their bellies, so beautiful! Please see my friend Andrea's blog for fabulous pics of the blessingway and all the henna art.

My wish for Heather... that your sweet baby finds the best way to navigate the birth anatomy and that he makes a swift and pain free entrance into this world. I know that you and your hubby will be so prepared to meet him (SOON) and excited to move forward as a family of four from the first moment. I hope your daughter loves him more than anything else in the world and that she really will bring all of his toys back to him. ;) You are an extraordinary mother and friend, I honor you.

My wish for Tanya... that your little flower encourages your body to work at its full potential from the first moment. You two are a beautiful team (you and your flor) and will work in perfect union from the first sign of labor to holding her in your arms. You and your man are solid, and will create such a safe space for your girls. Your sweet girls are lucky to have you and D as their parents, lucky lucky lucky! You are an extraordinary mother and friend, I honor you.

My wish for Andrea... that this little baby girl is kind to your body during labor. I hope she listens to your cues as much as you will be listening to hers. I wish you the same strength you had with your first birth, and hope this one is faster and smooth sailing from start to finish. I hope your son adores her as much as you do and that he learns to protect her and keep her safe. You will be an amazing mother of two, I'll have to take notes ;) You are an extraordinary mother and friend, I honor you.

My wish for Gale... that this sweet baby induces his or her own labor in a timely manner. :) The he/she gives you a phenomenal birth experience that will be exquisitely written about on her blog someday. I am wishing you a fast, pain free and intervention free labor and birth (unless needed or totally desired) that leaves you totally satisfied. You are an extraordinary mother and friend, I honor you.

My wish for Sharon... that this baby boy's grand entrance will be nothing but ordinary, and beautiful. I hope those "birthing hips" get to do just what they were designed to do. ;) I am sending out the best vibes for you to get this baby to bring on labor all by himself (when the time is perfect) and that he knows exactly what to do. You remind me of San Diego, not because you lived there but because you are pure sunshine. I am hoping this baby has all of your qualities, and I can't wait to meet him! You and your hubby will do splendid in labor and birth... I am so excited for you! You are an extraordinary mother and friend, I honor you.

Mamas... please know just how excited I am for all of you... and that my support is always available. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies (as short as that might be), remember each tiny movement and savor everything. Allow yourself the opportunity to cocoon and transform, into this new role and second leg of this crazy adventure of parenthood. Enjoy being pregnant goddesses for a little while longer, and then welcome. Welcome to the other side. :) Big hugs to all of you!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

2009-02-23T13:16:00.039-06:00

I am 30 years old today. I have always loved birthdays, but this year feels extra special. Not because I am an "adult" or because it moves me out of the crazy twenties... but because I feel content with my life. I like who I have become over the past 30 years. I feel like I have learned to accept myself with all my flaws and strengths. I look back at photos, some of which I will share with you... and I sometimes do not recognize the shy girl in the photo. I ran the gambit of introvert and extrovert, fat and thin, happy and depressed... all to get to where I am now. I had a wonderful fun and love filled childhood which I sometimes still feel like I am in. I keep waiting for the time when I will feel "all grown up", but it hasn't seemed to arrive yet. I don't expect that it will, at least I hope I always feel young "at heart". My tween years were spent following, and my teens a bit more leading. In high school I found myself with mentors who helped me realize my potential. They saw something in me that I had not seen myself yet. I will always be thankful for their encouragement and guidance. It wasn't until I landed in massage school that I saw myself for who I truly was or what I was capable of. Since then I have followed my heart and it has lead into this beautiful life I live at this moment. I look forward to my children's 30th birthdays and the lifetime of love within our family. I truly appreciate the wonderful friendships I have (some of the best I've had in my life) and the close family relationships that fill my heart. I am thankful I have all of you in my life. You make my days radiate with sunshine and joy!! :) So Happy Birthday to me! I am thrilled to be 30, looking forward to 40, 50 and beyond!

Enjoy the photos. Yes, Mom and Dad.. there is a "scandalous" photo on here, but that is part of the patchwork of how I got from there to here! Loved every minute of it! ;)

5 days old (on left) 3 months old (on right)!

everybody has nekked pics right? 12 months old

20 months old... broken femur

Look how fun I was at 2!!! ;)

3rd B-day party, looks like my friends were having a great time!

Queen Sara 4 years old

Hula Sara 4 or nearly 5

5th B-day celebrated at Disneyland! Wahoo!

Age 6 Wheeeeeee!

Camp Reed Age 6 or 7, Indian Princesses with Dad

Christmas age 7

Valentine's Day 2nd grade

Road trip to CO age 8

Grandma and Grandpa's condo age 9

Started violin age 10 (I believe I stopped at 11 hehe, sorry Dad)

6th grade Halloween

Pinni and Rainbow age 12

7th grade Mom's night at Jr. High

8th grade "formal" with friends

9th grade jumping off bridge with Shawn

10th grade started with football team as trainer / manager

Senior pics taken with Marty Marmot (junior year)

Senior trip to Disneyland w/ Mom and friend

gasp! Got inked in Lake Tahoe at 18

Dorm roommate Melia at Washington State, Pullman WA

Halloween Horror Nights age 19, Livin' large in Orlando FL

Age 20 Manito Park, Spokane WA

21 back in FL for a visit!

Age 23, met Russell! Yellowstone trip

Age 24 getting married next day!

Married bliss at 24

Preggo and livin' in TX at 25

Sweet Leilani born at 26

Pregnant again at 27! Welcome Orion!

28 and goin' smooth

29!! (bonniberryphotography.com)

Hi! my name is ...

2009-02-12T14:13:00.006-06:00

photo by www.bonnieberryphotography.com

Apparently the only way to make your business grow is to personally meet everyone who might become a prospective client, shake their hand and introduce yourself. Oh wait... I don't have to do all that ... I can just meet a few people and get them to love me so much they'll want to tell EVERYONE they know about me and my services. That's it! I am surprised someone hasn't thought of that before! What's that you say, someone has? Oooooohhhh, THAT'S what networking is! got it. Ok, so how do I do that....

First: Offer all my friends, family and blog readers the opportunity to tell others about my business in return for cash! Fabulous!

For every new client that comes in referred by one of you (my friends or family) I will send YOU $10 in cash!!! Seriously.

Please just tell your friend that I need to know who referred them to me (or I won't know that you need any cash). :) Your word of mouth advertising is priceless to me and the success of my business, so thank you!

If you are a blog reader whom I've not had the opportunity to meet yet, I will extend a discount of $10 off your first session with mention of this blog post! :)

Second: Actually introduce myself to as many Austinites (who would be willing to talk highly of me and my business to everyone they know) as possible. Where do I find these people, OH I know... through great local blogs like LiveMom! Wahoo I have a plan, at least to start with!

visit me at my website... saraballardlmt.com :)

Ladies and Gentlemen... The fabulous Bonnie Berry

2009-01-26T12:14:00.019-06:00

photos by www.bonniberryphotography.com

I am addicted... to good photos of my children. I will fully admit it. I adore seeing my children's smiling faces on my walls, it's the best art there is (to me). As soon as I met Bonnie back in March and saw her work, I knew I wanted her to photograph my kids. She has taken some of my favorite photos, during shoots or just hangin' out, and I wanted to share them with you...
This is not by any means all of the pictures she has taken of us, but some of my favorites!

Please visit her website http://www.bonnieberryphotography.com/ as well as her blog! She is an "on location Austin photographer who specializes in modern children and family portraits and wedding photgraphy" quoted from her blog. If I could've had Bonnie take our wedding photos, I would have been in heaven!!

And for all of my California friends... Bonnie makes a trip to CA twice a year, and could be available for your family or wedding sessions while she is there!! Lucky YOU!

Thank you Bonnie for capturing my family on film (ok, digital..) as I see us. I love your photos, and your gracious support for my business. I am eternally greatful to have you as a workout buddy and good friend! Cheers!

www.bonnieberryphotography.com

www.bonniberryphotography.com

www.bonnieberryphotography.com

www.bonnieberryphotography.com
this is from my business website that Bonnie created

www.bonnieberryphotography.com

www.bonnieberryphotography.com
I love this shot! It's my "I'm not JUST a mom" shot, as my brother in law Stan called it. :) It is currently my Facebook profile picutre... nice huh?

Family first

2009-01-04T19:45:00.005-06:00

The start of this new year has made me realize that we need to make our little family top priority! Along with getting rid of cable tv (dvd's and vhs for us) we decided to spend more quality family time together. Russ and I are even going to Carrie Contey's workshop "Your Best Year Yet" on Sunday January 11th. Its all about setting goals and creating, well.. your best year yet! :) Russ is even excited about the idea of changing things up a bit around here.

I have to say... its been lovely not having tv around all the time, I'll let you know how I am doing in 6 months. So far so good!

The photos are from the first few days of the new year, at Central Market and at the San Antonio Zoo.

Leilani making dirt piles, maybe dry mud pies??

post dirt angels

we drove all the way to San Antonio for the kids to play with leaves???

Looking forward to a great year with the family!!!

New Year, new focus...

2009-01-01T08:26:00.003-06:00

As 2008 wrapped up I began to realize that it was time to "go back to work" (I use quotation marks there because we ALL know that being a SAHM IS a full time PLUS job). I was missing that piece of me that gets to work with adults, and that gets to make a difference in people's lives, albeit a small one. I LOVE and adore my children, but I was feeling the pull of my life's purpose. Allowing myself the opportunity to go back to doing what I emotionally and intellectually enjoy doing made me feel like I could be a better mother. A happy, resourced Mom is just what all kids need. If I have to be away from them a couple days a week to do that for them, its what's needed.

The kids started attending the Good Earth Day School in Leander in November, which allowed me to brainstorm how I was going to get back into working. My plan from day one was to open my own office space and do the work I love on my own terms. I had a few minor setbacks at first but then it happened!

My sister in law Tiffany had offered her office as a place I could open up shop if I needed it. At first I turned her down because I hadn't figured out what I needed to do... but as the fates would have it, I asked if she was still willing to let me in... and she invited me with open arms! Tiffany is a marvelous psychiatrist, and has been in private practice for several years in this office space. There is an extra room next to her room that has been empty for a while, so my services fit right in. The space is perfect, quiet and calm, with a waiting area and kitchenette. Its everything I had imagined for my own space (outside of my home). Tiffany worked extra hard to make this space just perfect when she moved in, and it shows. When I finished massage school in San Diego I only did out-calls (I brought my table to people's homes, office rent was out of the question), so I have been waiting 7 years to have an office where I could receive clients.

With the help of my good friend Bonnie, I have a new wonderful website, with lovely photos! And amazingly enough it's already done a spectacular job of introducing my business to a large group of Austinites! If you haven't been there its... http://www.saraballardlmt.com/ Please take a look around! December was a great first month, and I look forward to starting 2009 with just as much momentum! Thank you to all who came to my open house and celebrated this next step in my practice!

So, for 2009 my goal is to introduce people to the Biodynamic Craniosacral work that I do. As previous posts have mentioned I am in a certification program for BCST, that will end in Jan of 2010 (which is only a year away, yikes!). I can already do the work, but my skills improve every time I do a session. I am learning more detailed info about the body and its capabilities with each new school module. In total, the time put into this program with be equivalent to more than what is needed to practice massage therapy in Texas. For those of you unfamiliar with this work...it is a specialty in itself, rather than a form of massage. :) please see my website for a short description of the work. After receiving this work myself I became extremely focused on learning it to share with everyone, it is profound! Throughout massage school I never felt such a pull to a particular modality as I do for the Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy. More of my time this year will be directed into studying and practicing this work, I wrote here... now I need to follow it! There is SOOO much to learn, but each piece I embody the more I feel "at home" with the work. I look forward to sharing the "movement within the stillness" with all of you!!

Love and Light in this New Year!

SNOW!

2008-12-15T17:27:00.008-06:00

Wahoo! I took Leilani to Chaprral Ice (an indoor ice rink) to experience "snow" for the first time today! We went with our mom's group, it was so much fun. Basically they scrape up the top layer of the ice rink into a huge pile of snow for the kids to play in. It was about 8 to 12 inches deep in places and about 20 feet in diameter. Leilani wasn't so sure to start with, but really enjoyed herself. She was ready to go in about 35 minutes. Thankfully Grandpa came to watch Orion (off the ice), he's not quite ready for snow yet. I don't know that Leilani would like living where there is LOTS of snow, like I did. This should fill her quota just fine. :)

family time

2008-12-08T20:22:00.015-06:00

I have not blogged in a while, we have been SO busy around here! I opened my new office, but I will make a separate post for that! :)

I have lots of recent family pics to share... may I just say I LOVE late fall right before Christmas, its my favorite time of year. I am glad the kids are enjoying the weather, we all love being outside right now.

Leilani saw this moon a couple weeks ago and said "Mommy, the moon is dirty!" sigh, kids say the cutest things.

Sunday, Russ hung Christmas lights on the house while the kids and I played in the leaves and in the park across the street. Leilani and Orion have never played in a large pile of leaves, ever. There is something so wrong about that! They LOVED it!

We make sure our kids know the value of manual labor, even Orion pitched in! ;)

Hmmmm which rock will taste better, I think I'll try both just in case.

Leilani was "supervising" Daddy hanging lights.

Tonight we started our Family Christmas Tree... I thought it would be fun to make and then bring out every year. Tomorrow Leilani will paint the lights and ornaments on it. I'll post a finished picture when its complete. Its our hand prints on a stretched canvas. Russell's and my hands are on the bottom, then Leilani's and Orion's hands at the top. Cheesy I know, but I love kids hand prints, they grow so fast!

Deep heartache

2008-11-24T19:18:00.002-06:00

I am still carrying a deep sense of loss for my mama friend who recently lost her husband unexpectedly. I think about her every day, as well as her 3 year old daughter. Its as if a hurricane came through my community but only wiped away her home and all its belongings, yet the rest of us feel the pain as if it were us.
During the last school module I was fortunate to get some bodywork to help integrate my confusion and sadness. It has greatly touched my heart to be part of a community of women who have supported her over the last couple of weeks. It has been a realization of a large extended family, who I love and support as much as my own blood relatives.
A classmate of mine who is a local midwife, lost her husband about 5 years ago and was a great help to me this past few days. She gave me some great advice about the care taking of a sudden widow, and I hope I can look into some of the things she mentioned.
Life will go on.. in a different way... it always has and always will. But for now my heart aches as I hold tight to my family. I am lucky to have today, and that's all that matters.

Today's song is Iron and Wine.. naked as we come

For the mamas preggo with #2

2008-11-07T07:15:00.004-06:00

Here is the best part about having a second child! They entertain each other to no end!

If you commented... it didn't come through... I'd love to see your comments again! :) thanks

Super Heroes

2008-11-05T06:57:00.007-06:00

My mom was over helping me a few days ago and Leilani demanded that she play super heroes with her. Basically running around the backyard "flying" in their capes. They put out a "fire" on her house... phew they saved the day!

I hope I am the kind of mother my mother was to us and Grandma she is to my kids. Thank you for EVERYTHING you do and have done for me and the kids! Mom, you are MY super hero!

Busy day

2008-10-24T08:34:00.012-05:00

pic taken by Jenni W

New photos of our day on Wednesday! We went to the pumpkin patch to buy our Jack 'O Lantern punkins, played in the backyard with our neighbor buddy Cooper, went to lunch with Grandpa and Great Grandpa at "Chuy's House", AND went to a pumpkin painting playdate! Whew, busy but VERY fun day! :)

notice the lack of one shoe? I didn't notice it was gone for about 15 minutes... oops. :)

picture taken by Jenni W.

music of our lives

2008-10-18T14:31:00.003-05:00

I was driving yesterday and several of the songs on the radio brought back very vivid memories, of events I have very a lot or very little emotional attachment to. I kept thinking about how I can place myself in any year of my life by the music I listened to. I am always amazed at our power of memory, and the physicality of the stored memories and emotions in our bodies. When I heard this song you are listening to, (Black Velvet) I immediately think of the first time a boy asked me to ice skate in a couples skate at the indoor rink in my hometown. His name was Jonah and he had curly blond hair (actually he kinda looked like Justin Timberlake, in hair at least) and I was wearing my ripped in the knee jeans and a Washington State Univ sweatshirt. I was so nervous, I said no and was too embarrased to skate the rest of the session . Just hearing the song brought on those flushed cheecks and the crazy crush anxiety, wacky huh? I will never forget that feeling, even though I had no real encounter with him, and it will ALWAYS be tied to this song.
The Pat Bentar song had different meaning until I watched 13 going on 30, and now I will only think of this movie and "Love is a battlefield". Jennifer Garner is cute, but I have a secret crush on Mark Ruffalo. ;) (the song is set to play after Black Velvet in case you are jonesin for some Pat Benetar)
Pictures couldn't do this post any justice, since these memories are all in my head... enjoy the tunes! :)

crappy economy

2008-10-15T10:41:00.002-05:00

This sucks! The economy that is. Everybody is going to be better about spending (hopefully) but that means they are cutting out things like taking care of their health (ahem... massage). That is painful to our household economy. So it looks like I have to tighten our spending even more to be able to afford "school" for the kids 2 days a week. sigh. That means ... a budget... blech... I said it. Now I have to follow through and actually make one... and attempt to stick to it. SO I am officially announcing it to the universe now, I can't take it back, it starts today.
AND don't forget... Massage gift certificates make GREAT gifts! ;)

oh, and I posted a bunch of recent pics of the kids on their blog :)

Its all TOO MUCH!

2008-10-06T09:02:00.008-05:00

THAT'S IT!!! I am clearing my house of baby STUFF! No more giant boxes of baby clothes! Out go the baby toys/equipment and all the stuff my kids use very little! I am over it all! I would love some space in my house and better yet, I would LOVE to have LESS stuff to clean up! My tornadoes of clutter start spinning at 6am when they wake and never slow down until they crash into bed at night. All I ever do is clean up the aftermath of these Tasmanian devils. SO.. less stuff, less mess.

I was listening to Suze Orman on Oprah talk about how people who value the things money can buy take care of them in an organized way. ooooo, that hit home, big time. Dang Suze and her valid points! ;) It is so true though. This is why we are clearing out, buy only things the kids will play with and take care of what we have. The kids stuff isn't the only thing to go, but its a start. I still want to do my kitchen, who needs 5 mixing bowls anyways? and my closet, but those are HUGE projects in themselves.

I am going to do a Craigslist sale here at the house... two days where people can show up and buy all this stuff!! A large chunk of our proceeds will be going to the Austin Habitat for Humanity. I chose this non profit because we are lucky enough to have a house to fill with excess while many have no home at all.

So, if you live in the area and need ANY baby stuff... stop by THIS Friday or Saturday October 10th or 11th. I will start at 9am and go till 5pm. Come by anytime!

What I have (this isn't everything):

Exersaucer,

playmats, toys (baby and toddler),

pool floatie for infant

baby boys clothes Newborn to 12 months starting with fall/winter stuff,socks, shoes (Robeez)

toddler girl summer clothes mostly 2T

colorgrown cotton cloth diapers and cloth diaper covers

diaper/burp rags

bath accesories, tub and pillow

potties

blankets

bibs

Baby Legs

XL maternity clothes (cold weather)

cloth storage cart

BPA free glass and plastic bottles

and MORE!!

If you are a friend of mine and would like to haul your kids stuff over here to sell (as long as your willing to share your $$ with Habitat) feel free. Just email me and let me know! The more the merrier!

We're Ba-ack!

2008-09-29T09:02:00.015-05:00

Song: Up up and Away by 5th demention (again)

We arrived home yesterday lunch time from our vacation to New England. It was fabulous! Just what I needed. To recap... Russell went up to Peabody, Mass last Sunday for work, and I flew up Wed night to join him. Thanks to the gabillion business trips he takes a year we had enough miles to get my ticket for free, woohoo! And thanks to Russell's work for paying for Wednesday night's hotel stay, phew.

We met up with Russell's BU college friend Gideon in Boston late Wednesday, straight from the airport. I am crossing my fingers for this guy... he is looking for a gorgeous, Jewish, highly intelligent, red head to call his own, so if you know anybody, let me know! ;)

Thurs we headed up to Vermont. We stopped by the little picturesque town of Quechee, where we had lunch at Simon Pearce. Simon Pearce is a glassblower who moved to VT from Ireland in the 70's, and opened a studio at this gorgeous mill. It is his original location, but now has like 12 across the US. His restaurant uses all his hand blown glasses and pottery, very cool. Good creme brulee too!! You'll see the pics below.

We came back to Quechee for our balloon ride before sunset. Russ promised me a hot air balloon ride as a wedding gift, but we never had a chance to do it. When I saw that they did balloon rides near where we were staying I jumped all over it! I love the fall, it is my FAVORITE season. So seeing the changing leaves from above sounded like a dream to me. It was everything I had hoped it would be, and more. The people from Balloons Over New England were wonderful. Russ and I shared the balloon with two lovely ladies from Bellingham, WA and the pilot. We flew over the hills and dense forests for a bit over an hour. The landing was adventurous and bumpy, but made for an exciting end. We landed in a privately owned pasture which was at about a 30% or more angle. The balloon basket hopped and tipped over about 5 times before coming to a stop. I loved seeing the changing trees from this perspective, they looked like coral. As we pulled away from the landing spot in the truck, the pilot got out and gave the land owners a bottle of champagne as a thank you. I guess its a 200 year tradition to do that. How sweet is that?

Anyway.. the rest of the weekend was fab as well, we went to a working farm where they make their own cheese and maple syrup. I have a new respect for those who still produce this sweet sticky yumminess the old fashioned way. In the snow with buckets collecting sap and boiling it down on a wood fired evaporator. 40 gallons of sap to make one gallon of maple syrup, pretty cool.

We also went to a fine woodcarving festival in nearby Woodstock, VT. Our Bed and Breakfast owner did the PR for this event, so she encouraged us to go. I am glad we did, really cool stuff! Someday I will own furniture that my kids will not destroy. For now... Goodwill is good for us! :)

Glad to be back, the kids look different, but had a smashingly good time with Grandma! Enjoy the pics!

Gulp, swallowing my pride

2008-09-22T11:58:00.002-05:00

Sometimes events happen that force you to swallow your pride and admit you were at least a little wrong. Life's hardest lesson is to see the bright side when something feels like it happens to you. I admit, I did not match someones expectations of me. I understand as well that I did not have the same expectations for myself, which is ok. I am glad in many ways for the decision that was made. It relieves me a bit of responsibility and allows me to focus on school and Orion's birthday. Every challenge presents a learning opportunity, I have learned and am moving forward. I will not make the same mistakes again. Sigh. Inhale. Exhale..... moving on. :)

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!

2008-09-22T08:28:00.011-05:00

So its not quite our anniversary, but I will be packing and flying before the actual day. Sept 25th four years ago I promised these things...

To put our marriage first, always

To be faithful to you

To be truthful and honest to you

To listen with and open heart and mind

To make our home one of love and understanding

To show you my love for you through my words, touch and actions

To bring joy and happiness into our lives everyday

To encourage you to achieve your full potential

To honor the divine in you for you are God's love and creation

I can only hope I have kept up my end of the promise as much as you have. You inspire me every day! I am the luckiest woman in the world! I am honored to call you my husband. I love you always and forever!! Thank you for being my best friend, my partner, my cheerleader, my confidant, the best Daddy in the world, the family bread winner, and all around great guy!!

I can't wait to spend the weekend with you in Vermont! (and thanks in advance for the balloon ride... I am SOOOOO excited) Happy Anniversary! Love you!!!

Love, Your Honey Bunches of Oh's!

School's out... till November

2008-09-21T21:58:00.002-05:00

Whew! I am done with this module! That was 5 intense days, and I can't stuff another piece of information into my head at all! Thank goodness I have 10 weeks to digest everything and to practice it all!
I always feel like I fall way out of the loop with all of my friends when I go to school. Its nice to merge and become one with the work and the material, but I find it so hard to start reconnecting once its over. I guess I change a bit every time I go. I have a drive to be better, nicer, kinder, more patient, better to myself, but somewhere I like my old comfortable self. I am familiar with my old self and patterns. Its easier. I would however like to move forward in life and bring my friends along with me. I want to stop gossiping so much, and offer my hand to help instead. I want to keep the same kind of space I provide in a Craniosacral session for everyone I come in contact with. I suppose some of these will be on my vision board. That's way to start.
Time to pack! I am heading off to VT on Wednesday to spend some much needed R&R time with Russell over our 4 year anniversary. First time away from either child since well before Leilani was born. Russ is already up there. Miss him already.

Sacral Unfolding... BCST insights (long)

2008-09-21T06:10:00.006-05:00

I realize that this will be a bit much information for some readers... if you have no desire to know about some very deep and personal aspects of me, skip this post. :)

Again, this is a journal entry for Module 3 of Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy Training.

I am the first and the last.

I am the honored one

and the scorned one.

I am the whore, and the holy one.

I am the wife and the virgin.

I am the mother and the daughter....

I am she whose wedding is great,

and I have not taken a husband....

I am knowledge, and ignorance.

Thunder, Perfect Mind, Gnostic poem, 100 A.D.

Sophia, by Alex Gray

2 days ago I had major shifting in my hips and sacrum during a session that John our instructor continued after class ended. It was not the first time I had encountered these physical movements during a session, but I had yet to resolve the swirling of emotion or feelings that felt like an arising from there. I sat up after the session was over and knew that the actual movement I felt in the session was related to the movement I felt while in labor with Orion. With every contraction I would need to twist my hips and bend my left knee down and to the right. If I didn't follow this pattern I was in terrible pain. So I twisted like this for 9 hours until he was born. I recognized the pattern quickly, but I knew in my heart that the motion was not alone. Why did I have to bend and twist? Why do I still feel echos of that now?

Yesterday morning I was reading articles on a website from Jaap van der Wal an embryologist from the Netherlands. (If you ever have some time and have a curiosity about the development of a human... not just our physical body... read this website, fascinating). He mentioned the "gestures" humans go through in life, the shifts we all go through from before conception to death. He says that all of these gestures are like deaths. For instance we die being in utero when we are born into the world. Our infancy dies when we become toddlers, childhood dies to emerge as an adolescent, and so on... These gestures make us human. I was happily reading for a while then hopped into the car to go to school. While driving it hit me like a TON of bricks. THATS IT! EUREKA! I realized that I have not been able to "grieve" the death of Leilani my baby into Leilani the toddler, or the pregnancy to new baby, or from having one child to having 2. It all happened so fast with difficult nursing and no sleep thrown in for fun. I was thrown into this without the knowledge of how the sort it all out.

I am also dealing with feelings (that I have known about) that I don't believe belong to me. I feel like they could be my maternal Grandmother's or Greatgrandmother's. I am deathly afraid of getting pregnant with a third child. It has become a phobia almost. I can't imagine how I would feel if I got pregenat with a third child. Its weird, I loved being pregnant, and giving birth, but I just can't do it again. I feel like I do not own this feeling. My maternal Grandmother had 3 children in 3 years. They are all 11 months apart. I don't believe that was her choice. She ended up having a nervous breakdown during her 3rd pregnancy (or shortly after, can't remember) and never really handled having 3 kids very well. I am sure part of my feeling comes from just knowning her story, but there is part of me that feels like maybe I have an actual echo of her story in my physical body, passed on from my own mother.

SO, now that I know all this info what on earth do I do with it? I asked John, and he said I should continue getting sessions as well as talking to someone, and in this case it will be Carrie Contey (since this is her specialty) she just so happens to be in my Craniosacral class too.

One more interesting story from yesterday. GB Khalsa, a local midwife is in my Craniosacral class as well, and was kind enough to bring a placenta to class yesterday. It is a few days old, from her last birth. Since we had started learning about embryology, she thought this would be an amazing addition, it was. I was standing watching her talk about it and show each part. At first I felt fine, and was interested in every detail, then all of a sudden I couldn't take it any more. I turned around and immediately laid down on my massage table face down. My heart ached so bad and I was having a cramp (very similar to menstrual cramps) in my pelvis. My heart was beating out of my chest. I just laid there with tears rolling out of my eyes trying to use "Body, low, slow, loop" to come out of this. I have no doubt that seeing that placenta just set off the same feelings agin, maybe even more intensely. There is no organ in the body that symbolizes the bond between baby and mother like that of the placenta. whew. I feel just fine this morning, but I am looking forward to talking to Carrie about it all.

See I told you it was TMI. :) Thanks for reading. :)

Warning... Loooong Post Ahead!!! BCST insights

2008-09-19T19:42:00.007-05:00

Thine own consciousness, shining, void, and inseparable from the Great Body of Radiance, hath no birth, nor death, and is the Immutable Boundless Light.
Padmasambhava, The Tibetan Book of the Dead

Universal Mind Lattice by Alex Gray

This post is going to serve as a collective journal entry... I needed to write it out for a classmate, but thought some of you may have an interest in reading this so here you go....

Notice there is no music, there is no piece of music I know of that can compliment my experiences from the last two days, so for this post I must omit the tunes. :)

I had a piece of homework from our last module (held at the beginning of the summer) to complete before this module. The assignment was to write a page about our experience with what is called the 3 stage process. Simplified, this is where we find a pattern in the body where there is movement, great stillness, then more movement. I thought I understood what this was, but had the most difficult time "labeling" it in my clients. I thought I was just not "getting it". I figured that I would just get it someday, but not right now. I have allowed myself the gift of practice and time to embody this work. There is so much to learn and I will learn it all eventually. Some things will only be learned through repetition and others from the written word.

Yesterday John, the teacher, was demo-ing a new way to hold the body and mentioned the 3 stage process again. He says... "the 3rd stage can be any movement in the body, anywhere, not just where the original movement started." Seriously?? This whole time... I was thinking it was something else. I felt that!! I felt that a bunch with my recent clients! Woohoo! A sigh of relief washed over me after he said that, as if he turned directly to me and said "You have what it takes to do this work, you are on the right path, stay with this". A huge weight was lifted. Sometimes we need to be in a different place to accept information, I am sure he explained the 3 stage process in great detail last module, but I just wasn't ready to embed that information into my cellular memory.

We learned about the sacrum and a sacral hold yesterday in class. Our sacrum is vital to our Being. It makes up part of the cradle for life, potential and literally, it grounds our energetic centers to security and to the Earth, and soooo much more I don't have time to write about today. My lovely partner B did a session on me first. Her right relationship was so comforting and safe. (right relationship is like energetic distance). When she placed her hand under my sacrum I had an intense sensation at the bridge of my nose. It was like a string was being pulled from behind the bridge of my nose and my 3rd eye. Little tugs and pressure. I have never felt anything like it before. The sacrum (specifically the coccyx) is tied to the ethmoid (a bone behind your nose) among others in the same area. My mom asked me today if that feeling was scary, NO not at all. It is fascinating to feel the movements big and small in your body. Your analytical brain tells you constantly that you are safe and you are not actually being split, rocking, falling off the table, or whatever the movement feels like. You might be making that movement, but it might be fascia or even energetic. The bones DO move, but the oceanic movement that you feel might not be able to be seen by the naked human eye.

When it came my turn to be the practitioner, I felt more grounded, closer to the Earth. I had no trouble finding right relationship with B. Our TA came over to help, but I sort of lost what I was feeling. I decided to go down to the sacrum and hang out. The TA stayed by B's head while I focused at her sacrum. Earlier in the day we practiced the technique of focusing on an object then just the space around it and between us. Object. Space, so forth. SO I tried to do just that with B at her sacrum. So I broadened my scope and focused on the physical space between us. Then the space between my hand and her sacrum. Then, I focused on the space between her midline and my midline.

Spiritual Energy System by Alex Gray

This would be a midline represented in art by artist Alex Gray. Its actually very similar to what I got as a visual in my minds eye when working on B. I got a rush over me that we are ALL JUST MIDLINES! That's it! There is no body, no happy no sad, no duality, just pure Being. I realize this can be a bit much for many people. I truly believe that this is what enlightenment must be. When you can live in a state much like this, where you realize the impermanence of physical life on Earth. Where you can see the bigger picture. It was AMAZING! During this whole time B was experiencing many big movements and shifts. I wasn't really tuned into them because I was out there. Good thing the TA was close by to talk her through her own breakthroughs. My ultimate goal is to keep that same space for my clients, but also stay in my thoughts to help them through their shifts and own awareness. I want to recognize the anatomy that is speaking and be able to reflect it back to the client. All in time, I am just thrilled to have had that experience. I feel like an infant. New to this world, making discoveries, practicing new skills.

I don't feel "special" that I have had these experiences, just honored. I am delighted that I have found a way to connect with other humans in a unique and healing way. I feel as if I have discovered part of my Purpose here on Earth.

If you are a friend of mine and you have read this far, thank you. Thank you for taking an interest in me and my experiences. I hope I can reciprocate the same to you!

Namaste!

Number 6

2008-09-17T17:30:00.009-05:00

Holy Smokes! My Life Path Number was SPOT ON!! I saw this on Andrea's blog and tried it for myself. I thought it was going to be wishy washy close to me but, nope its all true! :) WOW!

Your Life Path Number is 6

Your purpose in life is to help others

You are very compassionate, and you offer comfort to those around you.
It pains you to see other people hurting, and you do all in your power to help them.
You take on responsibility, and don't mind personal sacrifice. You are the ultimate giver.

In love, you offer warmth and protection to your partner.

You often give too much of yourself, and you rarely put your own needs first.
Emotions tend to rule your decisions too much, especially when it comes to love.
And while taking care of people is great, make sure to give them room to grow on their own.

Find your own Life Path Number here

Holes

2008-09-17T17:30:00.004-05:00

I could not resist adding Age of Aquarius to this post, sorry. ;) Fifth Dimension

I started my 3rd module for my Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy Training today. I am romantically in love with this work. I am passionate about what this work has to offer people. It is subtle and mind blowing in the same breath. Only in stillness can the movement be felt. Or should I say in the stillness there is movement. The first couple hours of each module we spend catching up from the last 10 weeks. In that time one of the women said something so profound... I thought it might help those of you who are planning on making a vision board too...

When talking about the "empty spaces" or cracks that everyone is always trying to fill in themselves... she said "well if there are no holes, where else is the Light supposed to come in?"

How can we see the Light without room to see it? aaahhhhh, I love these people like they were my own family. Each person brings something so special to class with them. I am one of the youngest in the class, always, I am always the youngest. Actually in this case I am NOT the youngest, there is a girl who just turned 20, she beats me hands down. I am so impressed with her desire to do this work, on herself and others. I was most definitely not prepared to do this kind of profound work on people at 20, ha!

Again I have used the art of Melanie Weidner , this one named Imago Dei.

Looking forward to sharing this work with all of you!!

Direction

2008-09-14T19:31:00.005-05:00

Song: Somewhere over the Rainbow... Iz

My first goal board 8 years ago... long before hubby or kids

Every once in a while I realize that I am stuck. Its not always for the worse. Sometimes it just feels as if I am spinning my wheels in place, I try so hard to get somewhere, but I don't seem to move forward. I have the keen ability (now, I never used to) to know when I am straying off the path that was meant to be my life in its perfect form. In times it comes as un-organization or clutter, other times heartache and despair, or worse... injury. Thankfully its not any of the latter right now. I have been running around placing my energy in so many places lately that I have seem to forgotten which of those is most important to me, and what I need to do to see it all clearly. Its like I have been trying to figure out what's on my to do list when its on a million post it notes all over my house. Normally I like lists, but I don't think that linear and straight forward.
I prefer making goal boards. Like 3-D brainstorming maps for my goals. I started making these 8 years ago in massage school, and fell in love (with making them). They take a while to create, you have to search for words and pictures that jump out at your intuition. Sometimes I would put words and pics on my boards without a specific goal, but sure enough it came into fruition in some manner. Its crazy! I would LOVE to host a MNI with the O'mamas to do these boards together. We support each other so much as it is, it would be great to share the excitement in our goals with each other, perhaps even spark some ideas for each other we didn't think about ourselves. So... we'll see if there is interest.

I need to start gathering... this should be fun!

Speaking of music

2008-09-12T08:42:00.004-05:00

To hear this video, hit pause on the control bar on the playlist at the bottom of the page. :)

http://
This is a video for another one of Renee and Jeremy's lullabyes. I can't get this one out of my head. I love their music, easy to sing. I had their Welcome To This World song for my "Welcome Baby" post a couple days ago. I found them on Playlist.com. They are a couple of musicians who got married, and got preggo then decided to make a cd of lullabyes for their little unborn angel. I also love the night mantra song... actually I'll post it here... enjoy!

My budding artist

2008-09-11T21:40:00.003-05:00

Song: CSS... Alala

Leilani has suddenly moved into the next art development stage, stick figures. I LOVE it! She literally just started drawing these one day last week out of the blue, as if a light went on in her brain. I just love how they change and grow and learn, even when they are sleeping. Right now we have at least 15 or so of these drawings scattered around the house and in chalk on my parents driveway. She will draw a stack and then decide who is which drawing. See above likeness of Orion ("because he so small" :) ) and Leilani herself. She drew me a picture tonight of a stick person (which turned out to be herself) and a bunch of spots with color... she said they were chocolate chips and tumberries. Ohhhhh, tumberries, riiiiight. She said "yeah, tumberries... yuuuummmmy" and rubbed her belly. I love toddlers.
Oh, the song I know you're thinking whaaaa? Leilani loves this song... Uncle Stan sells Sub Pop music online and this band CSS is on the Sub Pop label. He made us a mix CD for Christmas, and for some reason, this child inappropriate song is her fave. :) She bobs her head and sings alalalalala, so cute.

Welcome baby!

2008-09-10T09:57:00.005-05:00

I don't know who this sweet baby is... but its not baby "Jane" :)

song: Welcome to this World, Renee and Jeremy... so sweet!

On Monday I had the absolute honor of being at a birth of a beautiful sweet baby girl! The world is even a better place with her in it. Her parents called me at 2am to let me know that they were admitted at the hospital since mom's water had broken 8 hours before that. They were having a party at home with friends and she never told them she was leaking. :) Unfortunately her contractions did not kick in in a hospital timely manner so they had to start pitocin, grrrrr. Sweet baby "Jane" (not her name) was born via Cesarean at around 6pm. I hope I was able to give her some pain relief before she got her epidural. She was a superstar, I am totally impressed with how well she tolerated labor before her epidural and eventual C-section. Dad was a champ as well, what a perfect team! Baby "Jane" is so lucky to have such wonderful parents, they are 100% Austin, way cool and fantastic people. In some ways I feel like I could have done more as her doula to help prevent the Cesarean birth, but I know that I do not control anything nor did I make any of their decisions, but you always play the coulda-shoulda-woulda game, at least a little bit. I was glad to have been a help with delivering information to their patiently waiting families. Their excitement was emotionally overwhelming for me. I don't know how so many of you have your families in the room during birth, whew.

On a personal note, watching mama in labor made me want to have another baby... not gonna happen ;) It is truly magical touching a laboring/birthing mother or just being in her presence. The world trembles when another soul is about to enter it. It is probably the closest to "the the other side" you can get (other than death). I am still vibrating with that energy, way cool!
My next mama is due around Orion's birthday in November, I can't wait!

Happy Half Birthday Sweetpea!

2008-09-03T10:49:00.010-05:00

Thursday is Leilani's 2 and 1/2 Birthday, we celebrated last night!! Russell and I decided that we wanted to make another special day a year for each child, what could be easier to remember than their half birthdays?! She got half a cake and one present after dinner, no big parties or friends over, just fam. :) Leilani loves it! I tried to make a gluten free vanilla cake mix (by Namaste) but I couldn't stomach it. It was horrid!!! Ugh, gag! It tasted like soggy cornbread, that wasn't sweet and didn't contain corn, gross!!! So I made the Pamela's brownie mix, cut it in half and frosted it, delicious!!! It is supposed to look like half a cake. It ended up one of the ugliest cakes I've made in a while, but it tasted great!! Leilani and I designed her monster on our mama friend Stephanie's CurlyQCuties website about a week ago. She had SOOO much fun choosing the monster, we played with the design for about a half hour. This color, no this one, no this one, that belly, this mouth, yada yada... Stephanie was lightning fast in making it for her, WOW! When Leilani opened it last night, she was SO excited! She knew was it was right away! "Its MY monster!!!!" she carried it around all evening and slept with it last night. She even tucked herself in with it while playing. :) I can't believe she's getting so big so fast! 21/2, yikes!

Happy Half Birthday Sweetpea!!

Hook 'Em Horns!

2008-09-02T20:16:00.003-05:00

SO I got to attend my very first UT game on Saturday, its about time! I was born a cougar fan (Washington State Univ) my parents met there, its my brother's alma mater, and I attended for a semester (I know that barely counts), therefore I am a cougar through and through, until I moved to TX, when I officially became a Longhorn. My Bro in law is am alum as is my father in law, which means I'd be disowned from Russell's family if I didn't automatically bleed burnt orange. Its a good thing my kids were born with burnt orange hair, lets hope it will help their application into UT. I LOVE football (in person, I despise sports on TV). I was an athletic trainer/manager for the football teams in high school, loved it. I have been preggo or nusing a wee one every football season since we moved here, so I have never been to a game. My inlaws have season tickets which they are never in town to use. :) Unfortunaely I had a terrible sinus infection and blew my runny nose every 5 seconds until half time when we snuck out after the band played. I did get to see Matthew McConaughey and his gorgeous girlfriend (and slung baby), they made an appearance at half time, of course. I am obviously an old lady because when they showed him on the Jumbo-tron they first thing I thought of when the crowd burst into a roar of applause and whoops was... isn't it awfully late for a newborn to be at a football game with a screaming crowd of 98,000 people??? What were they thinking? He is hot, but come on. :) Yeah Horns!!!!

Ants and roaches and spiders... OH MY!

2008-08-29T07:06:00.005-05:00

Ugh! Our house is infested!! I cannot get rid of these pesky bugs! I scrubbed my kitchen from top to bottom last night, and those damn sugar ants came back AGAIN!! We also have a family of huge cockroaches living in our kitchen, ack! Russ and I Rochambeau each other for who goes downstairs at night, because if you go down, you have to battle las cucarachas , yuck! Yes, at least 3 a night. Russ saw one the other day poking his antennae out above the dishwasher (in between the dishwasher and the cabinet) so he poked it with a steak knife. I am positive all he did was piss him off and he called all his sugar ant friends over to invade my kitchen again! He also wanted me to buy a fly swatter at HEB so he could whack roaches, crazy guy. They are huge, what is fly swatter going to do, give them a massage? I also got bit by a spider when cleaning under my oven, ouch! Maybe it was a fire ant, I can't tell, but it hurts like hell! That's what I get for cleaning under the oven I guess. The fine men from ABC pest Control are coming this morning, my heroes! We have been trying organic non-toxic methods, but obviously the bugs are just laughing at us. Fine! Wanna play rough? I've got the big guns comin', so watch out! :D

So the ABC guy just stopped by... they are FIRE ANTS in my kitchen!!AAAACCCKKK!!! No wonder I got bit under the oven! They have now moved from the counters to the FLOOR, what I am supposed to do?? My baby crawls all over the kitchen floor, and eats microscopic treats off the carpet... looks like we'll be living upstairs all weekend, until the pest guys can come back on Wednesday. Aaarrrrggg. They will be spraying the hell out of our attic, plumming, outside brick, lawn, kitchen, etc. Thank goodness... I am DONE with these little sons of beeches! :)

Mommy needs a Time Out!!

2008-08-27T17:26:00.004-05:00

Om on Coronado Beach, San Diego... by Me

But seriously! I have had one of those days today. I even had to cancel my massage for tonight because its so crazy here. I'd like to leave my kids in the house and take a walk, anything to get out. But unfortunately the dog is a terrible babysitter and oh yeah its totally unethical and illegal to leave your kids alone in the house, oh well. (you know I'd never actually leave my kids alone, riiiight?) Leilani has had a H-A-R-D day today, everything is a struggle. I actually locked myself and Orion in the bathroom to get away from her screaming. She told me several times today to hush it and that I needed to go away. I love being a mom, sigh. I try my hardest to keep my cool and stay in a neutral space, but its SO HARD! I am sure this is my life's lesson, patience with angry and overly frustrated little people, specifically my little people. I always have to remind myself something a friend told me... "Your children come through you, not for you." They are hear to live and learn just like I am. Her rants and tantrums are teaching her how to handle her world. Hopefully I am not screwing that all up for her. ;) I am going to escape to my mom's to go sewing tonight, whew. I am going to make small pillows for all my craniosacral classmates. She (mom) asked me if she needed to stop and get a bottle of wine for me, nope! I'll bring it with me! :) Tonight and tomorrow will be better, I am sure of it. :)

Russ heard the song I just added for this post In My Daughter's Eyes, Martina McBride.. and he said... "That doesn't sound like a I wanna strangle my daughter song". No, I don't want to strangle her, I just want peace in my house, that's all. I love my sweet baby girl, with every inch of my being, its just hard being a mom some days. Am I right mamas? Off to sew!

Nuad Bo'Rarn

2008-08-21T15:41:00.007-05:00

No, this picture is not me, and your session will not take place next to the Ocean, sorry ;)

I am officially adding Traditional Thai Massage (Nuad Bo'Rarn) to my bag 'o tricks! After talking to several people who had expressed an interest in receiving Thai Massage, I have decided to bring it back into my practice. I studied Thai Massage in school as my specialty. Not many people had an interest in my practice in California, so I stopped offering it. However, since Thai massage has become more "mainstream", being offered in spas as "Table Thai", I wanted to bring it back for the benefit of my clients! I could blog for a long time about what exactly Thai Massage entails, but I'd rather add a link where you can read at your leisure. :) Or this one
My Thai Massage sessions will be no shorter than 90 minutes, a great Thai Massage is upwards of 3 or more hours, but I'd have to scoop you up and drive you home myself. :) I even bought a new floor mat to break in, woohoo! The first 4 people (sorry I have to know you to receive the special) who schedule a Thai session will receive half off my normal rate!! I am only offering this on my blog, so YOU super blog readers are the "chosen ones"!
This will be a blend of Traditional Thai Massage and Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (intermixed). You will leave feeling relaxed, stretched, massaged, revitalized, calm and a whole host of fabulous feelings that go along with those. :)

My dirty little secret..

2008-08-19T16:25:00.003-05:00

Song: Unwritten... Natasha Bedingfield

I LOVE "The Hills" on MTV. Don't ask me why... I Know they are a bunch of spoiled, snotty, whiny rich kids who make poor dating desicions and do nothing important with their lives, but I can't help myself!!! I started watching when they were all on "Laguna Beach" when I was living in Southern California. I got hooked to their mindless lives and petty arguments oh way back then, now I have a real problem. No, I don't follow their lives when the show is not on, I am not that crazy. Russ thinks I am insane for watching, but gets slightly hooked in if he sits down next to me (he will never own up to that if asked). Maybe its because I genuinely loved Laguna (the city, not the show) and so seeing it on tv was kinda fun, now I HAVE to know what Lauren is doing now. I am a super dork, I am aware. Please don't make fun of me, we all have our vices. :)

School is cool!

2008-08-18T16:44:00.005-05:00

Song: School Days... The Simpsons :)
"Oh NO... the summer is about to end!!!!"

I finally made the decision (well its not final, but its close) to put BOTH kids in "school"/daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I decided it would be easier to work if the kids were both being taken care of all day and I didn't have to worry about them from 8am to 5ish pm. My intention is to do massage at the Hoffman's office up to 4 hours per day and have the rest of the time to practice my Craniosacral therapy or study uninterrupted. It is such a relief to just make a desicion, since I just wanted to please everyone and be the best mom possible. I felt guily for wanting to put Orion in some kind of day care, but I realize that he's almost a year old and its only 2 days a week. No big deal. I also feel better knowing I'll have the opportunity to study, which I NEVER get to do at home. I feel like I am falling behind in the self study material for the Craniosacral certification, well hopefully not any more! :)
They are going to go to the Good Earth Day School in Leander. Mama Andrea told me about it (since the C-man goes there too) and I loved it from the beginning! It follows a Waldorf and Montessori approach, which I really appreciate. Our next door neighbor Cooper is going to be attending as well, so Leilani will have a plethora of boys to crush on.;) This is going to be a good thing for everyone, I hope. Yeah "School"!
A BIG THANK YOU to Mama Jasmine for offering to babysit Orion on Tuesdays, you saved me and my original plan. Yes, we will have to trade services regardless!!! :) Big hugs to you mama!

On a side note.... The Binky Fairy was a success!!! Its been over a week, and we have only had two meltdowns (which did not last very long) over the loss. She has asked a few times where they are... and we reply "The Binky Fairy took them, remember?" and she says "Oh, yeah" then smiles and tells us about the toys she brought. Phew, that was easier than I thought it would be! Big sigh of relief....

Tired

2008-08-15T09:49:00.007-05:00

song: Amber ... 311

Sweet Orion and I napping, a rare sight around here lately...yaaaaaawn..
I have recently started working again (for a paycheck) doing massage. My hiatus has been a while since, well, before kids. I have missed doing bodywork, the only time I did any over the past two years or so was on close friends and family. I am officially working at the Hoffman's Chiropractic office, working on their patients two days per week. While doing this type of work is not my first choice, it does allow me to help pay for Leilani's "school" come October. I see patients in 30 minute increments for about 4 hours, so not too terrible. I am also seeing people privately at our home for sessions (which I prefer). All of this massage makes me love my Craniosacral work even more. I find myself frustrated in massage sessions sometimes because the patient really needs more gentle work, rather than the "seek and destroy" deep work they think they need. My instincts are to do the Cranio work, but my paycheck comes from the deep tortuous stuff. :( My ultimate goal is to move completely into a Biodynamic Craniosacral practice within 5 years.
On top of adding a massage schedule into my full time SAHM days (and Craniosacral practice sessions) Leilani and Orion have decided to boycott sleeping, what seems to be all day and night. I think Orion is teething with an earache (and was awake from 11:30pm-1am) and Leilani is just 2 and a half. She drags out bedtime for an hour or more, then cries and screams a gabillion times before she finally stays in bed and falls asleep, ugh. All of this added together... makes me tired. Just plain tired. Someday I will look back fondly at these times, but right now I am just tired.

Baby No More... Welcome Binky Fairy!

2008-08-11T16:34:00.009-05:00

song: Bye Bye Bye... N'Sync
turn off music at bottom to hear the video

What's that? You don't know who the Binky Fairy is??? She is a most magical fairy who comes to recieve the binkies of big kids who no longer need their binkies and gives them to new babies entering the world. Leilani had the Binky Fairy come yesterday, can you believe it?!? I woke up yesterday... and had the intuitive thought that "today is the day" to get rid of the binkies for Leilani. I know cold turkey is HARSH, but so far it has worked. I don't think she is a weaning kind of gal. She self weaned from the breast at 15 months and just told me one day, "all done, get down". Cold turkey seemed to be the best option. For those of you who don't know Leilani well, she is a 5 binkies at a time girl. One for her mouth, one for her nose and each eye and a few extra for good luck. :) Ok, at least 3 at a time. Well, not-any-more!!
I told her yesterday morning about the Binky Fairy, at first she was like, whaaaaaat? But warmed up to the idea after I told her that the BF left her toys in trade for the binkies, she was excited about the toys... We covered a shoe box and decorated it, and then gathered all the binkies we could find (which was a dozen) we will probably find a dozen more later. Then right before bed she said her goodbyes and decided to leave the box by the front door for the BF. And WHAT do you know? The BF showed up last night and brought her a bag full of gifts! WOW! She even left a card, how thoughtful of her. :)
So here's her "goodbye" and a few bad photos of our BF day.

So... I am feeling a bit sad today a little for me, and a little for her. Its tough growing up, but I am thrilled she's becoming a big kid, we'll leave the baby stuff to Orion (at least for a little while longer).

Me

2008-08-09T08:50:00.003-05:00

song: Sara Smile... Hall and Oates

I stole this from numerous lovely mamas blogs... so here is MY answers...
1. What time did you get up this morning? 1:40am, 4:57am and 6am... everyday
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds everyday, I have a string of pearls we got in Thailand I love to wear occasionally though.
3. What 2 things do you always have with you? Cellphone and binkies
4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? In summer nothin', fall lineup is a tough one.. Grey's, Entourage, Big Love, Office, Pushing Daisies... thank heavens for the DVR
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Vans gluten free flax waffles with spiced Peach Butter from the farmers market.
6. What is your favorite book? Too many to list, don't have one specific fav
7. What is your middle name? Elizabeth, same as my grandmother and Leilani
8. What food do you dislike? sauerkraut
9. What is your favorite CD? Right now I am groovin to the Garden State Soundtrack in the car
10. What type of car do you drive? Mini van baby! I actually LOVE my minivan even though I am leaving a huge carbon footprint. I will save the earth some other way. :D
11. Favorite sandwich? Anything with LOTS of melted cheese and mayo.
12. What characteristic do you despise? dishonety
13. Favorite item of clothing? jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Phuket, Thailand
15. What color is your bathroom? brownish gray, whatever color it was when we moved in.
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Anything that fits, seriously... shopping is a nightmare.
17. Where would you like retire to? Wherever my kids end up, especially if they have kids themselves.
18. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I can't actually think of a memorable birthday that wasn't in my childhood. Lots of fun parties as a kid though.
19. Furthest place you are sending this? I have no idea
21. Who do you least expect to repost this? ???
22. Person you expect to repost first? Stephanie
23. Favorite saying?
24. When is your birthday? Feb 23, 1979
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning
26. What is your shoe size? 11 yikes! No cute shoes come in an 11
27. Pets? Ben, lab mix.. biggest baby you'll ever meet
28. What did you want to be when you were little? a teacher
29. How are you today? pretty good, Russell's home from his trip!
30. What is your favorite candy? Milky Way and Skittles are a tie
31. What is your favorite flower? Lilacs
32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Sept 25, our 4th anniversary
33. What is the last thing you ate? Pamela's pancakes with blueberries and peach butter, mmmmmm
34. What are you listening to right now? Leilani coloring and Ben eating his breakfat, oh and now the baby crying... dang it
35. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? eggplant
36. How is the weather right now? Hot.
37. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Russell when his plane arrived last night.
38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I stole it... and yes I like everybody who has posted this already!!
39. Favorite soft drink? regular Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, but have not had any for over 2 years.
40. Favorite restaurant? Just about any. I could eat breakfast at Mimi's everyday (if I could eat wheat that is).
41. Hair color? Brown, blonde, who knows?
42. Sibling(s). Bro, 3 years older
43. Favorite day of the year? Halloween, always has been, only 2 years with no costume.
44. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies and horses
45. Summer or winter? Winter, I LOVE sweaters and jeans and sweatshirts
46. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
47. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
48. Do you want your friends to post back? Yes, fo sho.
49. When was the last time you cried? When I took Orion to the ER last week
50. What is under your bed? Nada, the bed is on the floor right now
51. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Stephanie (a friend I am still close to)
52. Favorite smell? Lilacs, remind me of my childhood home
53. What are you afraid of? spiders and death of a child
54. Plain, butter or salted popcorn? lots of butter with very light salt.
55. How many keys on your key ring? 2
56. How many years at your current job? depends on which job.. 7 years as a massage therapist, 2 and 1/2 for SAHM
57. Favorite day of the week? Saturday.
58. How many towns have you lived in? 9, Woodinville WA, Spokane WA, Pullman WA, Stateline NV (Lake Tahoe), Altamonte Springs FL(Orlando), Tallahassee FL, Carlsbad CA, San Diego CA, Round Rock TX.
59. Do you make friends easily? Not really, I'd like to though.

Thank you Mom and Dad!

2008-08-03T08:56:00.000-05:00

songs: Mom and Dad Waltz... Willie Nelson OR Summertime... DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince
Our AC is STILL OUT, and will be till Tuesday! Which means Russell's relaxing weekend at home has been spent sleeping on an air mattress with me on my parents living room floor. If it were not for my folks we'd be in some motel, hungry and bored. Thankfully my parents are a lot of fun! A few days ago the AC here had to be turned off for several hours (Dad got insulation added to his attic) so we went to dinner at Shawn and Steph's house, where it was cool(we ate the carrot for dinner, see post below). Steph made a delicious meal and yummy sangria, she's a fantastic chef! Russ came home Friday night, hooray! But he leaves again at 4am tomorrow, boooooooo! I passed my Texas Massage Exam this week! Hooray, I have been workin' on this for 4 years since we moved here. It was all red tape moving from CA to TX where all the licensing regulations are different. So I am official, finally! Saturday morning he watched the kids so I could go shopping with my mom, Stephanie and her mom, I got all sorts of goodies, I love the RR outlet mall! When I came back we played in the baby pool while Grandpa worked on building a swingswet for the kids! How cool is that? My parents are the best! My Dad built Shawn and I a swingset when we lived in Woodenville, WA, and now he is building one for all the grandkids. They also have a playroom filled with toys here at their house, I think they had soo much fun as parents they want to do it again but this time they don't have to be the bad guys. THEN, they babysat the kiddos so Russell and I could go out on the town. We went shopping, then to Chez Zee for dinner, oh yum! Then downtown to the warehouse dist, we had some drinks at Cuba Libre where we sat and chatted till late, it was fabulous! Russ ordered the cruise of rum, anyone who knows my husband well, knows he doesn't even finish a beer let alone 3 shots and a glass of wine at dinner. He didn't finish them all, if he had we'd probably gone home in a taxi. :) It was a great night, hopefully it will tide me over until he comes home again next week. Tonight Shawn and Steph and the kids, and Steph's mom are coming over here for dinner. Steph's making ribs, mmmmmmmmm. ;)
So here are some of my favorite photos from this weekend, sorry for all the lack of clothes in all the pics, it f*ing hot here in Austin right now, therefore, water and no clothes!! :D

watching Fantasia 2000 from the best spot in the house!

Mother Nature has a funny sense of humor

2008-08-01T07:30:00.000-05:00

song: Call any Vegetable..Frank Zappa
Or I have a mind that is in the gutter...

This carrot was pulled from Shawn and Steph's garden last night. hehe. :D

Steph and I thought it was HI-larious! hehe veggie porn.

It could have been worse...

2008-07-31T12:51:00.000-05:00

song: Bad Bad Day... PINK
Sorry no photo, too shitty of a day to take photos!

Yesterday was..... Horrid!! On top of being lonely and slightly depressed about Russell being gone... it got worse, much worse.
I attended a playdate with the lovely O'mamas, we had a gluten free potluck, the food was tasty except for mine. Mom and I made a quinoa and corn pasta with pesto goat cheese, veggies and chicken on Tuesday night. It was delicious, fresh. I brought it over to our hostess' house and reheated it, blech. The noodles feel apart, the veggies were soggy and it was dry and you couldn't taste the goat cheese. :( So sad. Oh well, now I know to eat it all the first night or reheat it and add more goat cheese. Why oh why am I writing about food?? Anyhoo.. The playdate was good, but Leilani was grumpy and fairly unfriendly, and Orion did his own thing, kinda ho hum.

We ran an errand after the playdate where O fell asleep in the Ergo, and Leilani did the sleepy head bobbing in the cart, Leilani did not fall asleep in the car, what is up with that? So I fought her for an hour to get her to sleep... no luck. "I'm huuuuungryyyyyyyyy" she said in her very best whine. Sigh, fine, have a snack, THEN NAP! No luck after food either. She screamed and pounded and then slapped me in the face to avoid taking a nap (this was 4:30pm). Yikes mama was angry, roar!!! I was steaming mad and trying to keep her from waking her sweet brother who took 45 minutes to rock/bounce to sleep. Finally she dozed off at 5pm and slept for an hour and a half, whew.
At 6:10 or so Orion was playing next to couch and all of a sudden he started to cry and a few seconds later started to gag, a lot. Like when you can't swallow a pill or get a piece of hard candy stuck in your throat. I swiped his mouth between screams and large tears, nothing. I started to panic, flipped him over and started to pound on his back, nothing, gag gag gag. I felt SOOO horrible! After 5 minutes of gagging I called my Dad in tears... "WHAT DO I DO???" He threw up, but was still gagging, then he spit up with a tinge of blood, :( . He told me to take him to the ER right away! I met both of my parents at the Round Rock ER, not my fav hospital but when your baby is gagging and screaming, you can't think straight. They triaged us right away and in all it only took 2 hours, not bad for a packed ER. They x-rayed him, (we shall now call him "Radioactive Boy" instead of Porkchop) and found..................... nada. Who KNOWS what happened? I think maybe he swallowed something that dissolved like a piece of Leilani's Oaty Bites cereal, or scratched the back of his throat (uvula) which made him gag. Either way he is FINE like sunshine, and slept like a, well, baby! He is happy as can be today. Better safe than sorry when breathing and swallowing objects is concerned.
So... no, the day is done done yet....almost...
My mom followed me home at around 8:40pm to help get the kids in bed, I put the baby in his jammies and thought, SHIT it is hot in here................ Oh......NO... please do not tell me the AC is BROKEN AGAIN!?! Yup, sure enough, 82 degrees downstairs and 86 up. UGH!!!!! So, we packed up everything we owned (feels like) and all went back to my parents house, so I could sleep on the couch. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breeeeaaaaath! Leilani couldn't sleep on the air mattress so Grandma slept with her from 3am on. My parents are THE BEST!!!! Thank GOD my parents live here, otherwise I don't know what I would have done.
The best thing about yesterday, I got an email from the beautiful and muy talented Bonnie Berry, she posted a few of the Ballard family photos on her blog. More will be coming soon, woohoo!
So, it could have been worse, I am glad it wasn't. My child did not die or even need major medical attention, and my house did not burn to the ground, its just hot in there, and my food was still eaten by the mamas (even though it was gross). Thank you Universe for not giving me any real challenges to deal with, for that I am eternally grateful!

Is it Friday yet????

2008-07-29T22:01:00.000-05:00

Song : Lucky... Jason Mraz & Colbie Callat

above, Proposal next to Santa Monica Pier
below, Honeymoon San Juan Island, WA state

Sappy alert... some of the following post may be too blah and sappy for some readers... :)

Russell left yesterday for Columbus, again. :( He will be back late Friday evening, then flies out Monday morning, again for another week. It is actually cheaper to fly home than to stay in a hotel there for 2 days, how crazy is that, besides he misses us too much to be gone for two weeks straight. I am sure he did it for me, to give me a two day breather, at least I'll have a partner in this craziness. Although, my mom has been a HUGE help, she always is when he leaves. She comes over or I go over to her house so I can eat and bathe the kiddos in the evening. Phew. I have no problem asking for my mother's help, she keeps me company, and I would go crazy if I didn't have somebody fun to talk to in the evenings, after I've been with the whining, crying and sibling spats all day.

I watched P.S. I Love You last night, thanks Russ for the renwal of our Netflix account!! It reminded me of just how important Russell is to me and our family. I have adored him from the moment we first met over the phone. He is my very best friend and my biggest support. He adores me as a wife and as a mother, and that makes me feel so special! I miss him somethin' awful when he goes on business trips! I never fall asleep before midnight because I can't stand to sleep in our bed alone. I wait until I can't stay up any longer... then I make my way into the bedroom. I miss him when he leaves for work every day. I have NO idea what my world would look like if he was not in it. Love you so much Sweetie!

Leilani misses him so much too, although she doesn't quite know why she feels so "off", she constantly asks "where's Daddy?" Little O just can't seem to get his routine straight when Daddy is gone. :( I have to admit, I have a hard time wanting to do my daily routine when he is gone... I just want to stay home and veg, I don't want to run errands, or clean (oh wait I don't do that when he's home either :) ) just sit and eat gluten free pretzels, mmmmmm pretzels. :) I can't wait for him to come home even if its only for 2 days!!!

Rattletree Marimba

2008-07-28T08:27:00.000-05:00

song: Skokiana... Masanga Marimba Ensemble

Stock photo, I did not take this pic :)
Last night, Steph and I went to Central Market to hear Rattletree Marimba play. The guys got to go out Saturday, so Sunday it was our turn!
(From their website) here
Rattletree Marimba is a Zimbabwean style marimba band based in Austin, Texas. They play high-energy dance and trance music that is guaranteed to get the dance floor moving from the first song!
The music you hear is NOT Rattletree, but they played a version of this song. (they are not on the playlist.com website).
We had a great time! We shared a bottle of South African wine, ate some yummy Central Market Cafe food, and I ate WAYYYY to much creme brulee. :)
I bought Rattletree's CD, so I could share their music with the kiddos. We were even home before 10pm, and I still had a GREAT time!

For Mom and Grandma....

2008-07-27T09:15:00.000-05:00

songs: Classical Gas.. Mason Williams & Stealing Cinderella... Chuck Wicks

My mother's mother Marg Shallow, the only grandmother I knew loved daisies, as does my mother. The first photo is of me at 2 years and 4 months, the same age as Leilani is right now. It is one of my mom's favorite photos of my childhood. My guess is.. it's probably because of the daisies. Love you Mom, love you Grandma!

I couldn't decide between 2 photos of Leilani from our trip to Colorado... so you get both!

The song is for you Dad! Love you!

Water baby

2008-07-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

song: You're Gonna Miss This.. Trace Atkins

Sweet Orion makes me smile every day, without fail. I couldn't decide which blog to post this on, but mine won over, because I am just talkin' about sweet baby O! This kid LOVES the water, any kind he can get his paws on. We can't bathe him in a tub full of water because he tries to eat the drain, and well... that's dangerous. I may be a slacker mom, but I do try to prevent unnecessary drownings and the like. So he slips around in the wet tub bumping his noggin on the side, squealing with delight every time you pour water over him. Today my mom filled the bathroom sink, then plugged it up and held onto his legs so he could go to town splashing away! That he did! He loves getting his face wet, but then got bored and turned to his newest fascination... knobs. He will try to eat any knob... dresser pulls, door knobs, sink/faucet handles, whatever is closest and the shinier the better. Silly boy. He brightens my day with his smile, and zest for companionship and life!

Rocky Mountain Hiiiigghhhh Coloradoooo

2008-07-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

song: Rocky Mountain High... John Denver
Horseback riding in the rain, gorgeous and fun! Isabella, Me, Stan, and Charles

We just got back from Snowmass, CO last night. We have been up there since last Sunday with the majority of Russell's family. Every year his parents rent the same house/ski chalet for about a month/month and a half in the summer. His mom hates the heat here in central TX, don't we all?? So it was me, the babes, Russell, Russell's parents, his brother Stan, brother Charles and his oldest daughter Isabella. All in one small house. Now, I have to say before I begin, that I adore his family. They are truly wonderful people, salt of the earth in fact, but... they are not the family I grew up with and they do things a bit differently than I, quite a bit differently. I am blessed to have married into such a wonderful family, who loves each other very much and everybody gets along.
That being said... I struggled a bit last week. Since I have a highly restricted diet (poor Orion's excema depends on my eating habits), it is pretty hard to cook for me if you are not used to changing the way you cook. My MIL had a very hard time preparing menus that could fit into my "list", so I ate other things, which frustrated her even more. It caused some tension between us, it didn't help that I was the only other woman up there, and in HER kitchen none the less. Anyhoo... enough of that... we had a great time, but I am thrilled to be home. Snowmass and Aspen are BEAUTIFUL this time of year, flowers everywhere and the PERFECT climate. I have so many photos to share... more photos to come on the kids blog.
On with the pictures...

Stan, Charles, and my sweetie Russell

Our view for dinner at the Pine Creek Cookhouse, Russ took the pic.

Leilani was actually a ham for the camera that day.. so cute

Orion fell asleep in the Ergo on the way back down Mt. Aspen in the Gondola, high altitude = good for napping. :)

The Maroon Bells..... Breathtaking!

Orion and I going up, up up Mt. Aspen
And that's all you get... or I'll be here forever uploading. :)
Glad to be back... missed my O'mama pals and Leilani wants to get back to her pals too!!

Gotta love the TABC

2008-07-18T08:33:00.000-05:00

We went to Chuys (again) the other night with the whole gang, my parents, brother and fam, and all of us. Orion really wanted my margarita, and just couldn't wait till it arrived via milk form. And since its legal in Texas to serve your own children alcohol, yes you read that correctly...

Also as of September 1, 2005, persons 21 or older (other than the parent or guardian) can be held liable for damages caused by intoxication of a minor under 18 if the adult knowingly provided alcoholic beverages to a minor or knowingly allowed the minor to be served or provided alcoholic beverages on the premises owned or leased by the adult.

No, I did not actually let him drink, what kind of parent do y'all think I am?? But he was fascinated with the salt and my straw. Gotta start them early you know. :)

I want more..............

2008-07-16T22:13:00.000-05:00

I can't get enough SILKS!! I know its just for the kids, but I love 'em! We did a craft at one of our fabulous O'mama playdates where we dyed white 35" X 35" inch silks in dye and kool aid. They turned out so lovely, thanks Gabriel! I loved them so much I wanted to make more for every baby being born and every child with a birthday coming up! So I ordered more than $260 worth of silks (not all for me.. several other O'mamas got the more bug too) from Dharma Trading Co. I can't say how many I ordered, lets just say it was A LOT!!! My mom ordered tons too. Yesterday the lovely Tanya came over with her beautiful Mia and we dyed for HOURS! The kitchen was a delightful disaster, a mess with vinegar and kool aid and rit dye!! My mom was THE BEST, and kept all the kiddos happy and busy while we dyed like crazy! Some of my favorites are the ones we did at the end, now I want EVEN MORE.... but I will wait, for now. :)

Grandma is MY Super Hero for watching the kiddos!

My mama and the beautiful Mia, blowing bubbles!

Breath

2008-07-12T06:55:00.000-05:00

I have been puting a lot of attention on breath recently, since I have been focused on my diaphragm. Its said that learning how to breathe well (diaphragmatically) can increase overall health and well being, including lower the acidic pH in the body. A great many things can be improved by better breathing. A classmate of mine just emailed this to me... so true...

An ancient teaching from India points to the truth. There was a conference of all the human faculties, all the senses, which in the Indian tradition are six: the five senses plus the mind.

As at many meetings, they first had to decide who would be in charge. Sight popped up and put in its bid, creating beautiful images that had everyone enraptured. Smell arose and created powerful and haunting aromas that left everyone tingling with anticipation. But Taste could top that, with astounding and delectable flavors that brought such incredible joy. Hearing created exquisite harmonies that brought everyone to tears, and the Body brought on physical sensations that had everyone in ecstasy, while the Mind spun out intellectual theories that took on beauty by the depths of the truths they expressed.Along came the Breath - not even one of the senses !! - and said it wanted to be in charge. All it could offer was the simple in - and - out breath, not terribly impressive in comparison to all the other senses. The other senses got into a tremendous argument about which one of them would be chosen. The Breath, in its disappointment began walking away. The Mental images began to fade, the Tastes lost their savor, the Sounds diminished.........."Wait," the senses called out. "Come back ! You can lead. We need you. " And the breath came back and took its proper place.

I have been breathing well in the croc pose but my kids think its great fun to climb on top of me while I do it, not exactly relaxing, but I love it.

The image above is painted by Melanie Weidner, I found this online and I love it!

The Mindful Brain

2008-07-09T12:38:00.000-05:00

I am listening to an audio CD that my SIL gave me a couple weeks back...

The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being by Daniel J Siegel.

I have been listening the best I can in the minivan with both kids hollerin' in the back seat, needless to say I am not being very "mindful" of my driving while multi tasking in this fashion. SO, I get about 10 minutes into the CD and he talks about this acronym that he uses all the time to describe staying in the present moment using the "mindful brain". C.O.A.L which stands for: Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love. My A-HA! lightbulb went off in my head, I do this already! This is what my Biodynamic Craniosacral work is all about. I am creating a space for the clients' body and brain to become mindful. That is all there is to it. When I engage with the client, I am posing an inquiry into what is going on (Curiosity), then I am open to what I find with no judgement in any direction (Openness). When I have a sense about the clients body I accept that its what the body needs to work on, I cannot bring my own adgenda to the session (Acceptance). Finally I appreciate what I feel, the body is doing this to keep itself afloat, that's way cool (Love).

I can't wait to listen to more, it's right up my alley.

I also realized that the author is the same man who wrote Parenting From the Inside Out. I had no idea until I looked up the full title of this book on Amazon just a few minutes ago, go figure.

Your mamas a crocodile!

2008-07-08T21:35:00.000-05:00

Yup! I am a crocodile. Or at least I am in love with the crocodile yoga pose. My Craniosacral TA is a yoga guru of sorts and taught me how to do this pose today after our BCST session. I need to work on my diaphramatic breathing so she taught me this... aaaaaahhhhhhh. I *heart* Leyla for teaching me this, and for the wonderful session today!

This is from healthandyoga.com

Crocodile Pose (Makarasana)
Makarasana is an Indian translation for Crocodile pose. This is the best pose of this series which provides mental peace to the persons of all ages. Here the effect is felt at two points - the neck and the lower back. You can learn this asana as below:
Routine
Benefits
Breathing Pattern
Contraindications
Consciousness

In case your vibrator craps out

2008-07-07T08:22:00.000-05:00

Those look awfully similar don't ya think?

You can use the Oral-B "Pulsar" toothbrush as a valid substitute. I bought this fabulous product last week thinking it might help get my teeth extra clean, but instead all I can think about when using it is just how dildo like it is. It doesn't "do" anything but vibrate at a high speed. If you bite on it, to use both of your hands, it will shake your brain silly. It doesn't really do anything for the brushing but makes me blush a bit every time I turn it on. So if you are in a pinch and the nearest xxx store is too far, your local HEB (or Target in my case) carries a fabulous $4 & change pocket rocket disquised as a toothbrush, enjoy.

Busy busy weekend

2008-07-06T21:09:00.000-05:00

Leilani and her cousins torturing our dog Ben with a flashlight,
they thought it wa fu-nny! Poor dog.

We had such a BUSY weekend, but I don't have time to blog about everything, isn't that just the way it goes? A little from each day...on the 4th we went to Russell's brother's house for a family BBQ and pool fun with Russell's family, then we drove over 6 blocks to my parents house where we hung out and played with the other cousins, my bro and my folks. Orion wouldn't fall asleep at my BIL house so we put him to bed at Grandma's house, while we watched Shawn light fireworks. Two 4th of July parties, two exhausted kids, two extra tired parents!

My brother Shawn got a huge tattoo on Thursday, total shock, never thought he'd get one. Its actually kinda cool, its the symbol for the Alaskan Native tribe my family has heritage in. Its a raven (looks like a totem, not the scary claws out Poe bird). We belong to the Tlingit (pronounced Klinkit) tribe of Alaska. He has to go back to get it colored in, my sister in law is pissed he spent so much money on body art, priorities, the man has priorities.

Saturday we went to the farmer's market downtown, and I bought a Living Arts Bakery brownie, of course, and today I ate half... our dog ate the other half... he owes me a buck fifty!! Then we went to my neighbor's 7th birthday party, woohoo! Actually, our neighbor's are a blast, I love my block... the people who live around the little park I live on are all so cool.
Funny story.... Leilani is kind of scared of the 3+ year old boy who lives next door, he moves fast and is loud, we'll call him C. C was so sweet to her at the party, Leilani climbed up onto a chair while imitating the big kids, he went over, picked her up and plopped her down in the grass, then he led her by hand over to me to tell me what he'd done. After a few minutes he came back over, gently grabbed her hand and paraded her around the yard. He took her onto the patio, opened the cooler and gave her a bottle of water then walked her down and around. When he came to a shoe in the yard that was in her path, he kicked it out of the way, what a chivalrous little man. I told his dad, "She can't date till she's 16, so don't encourage it. :) " If she still likes C when they are older, I will be in for some trouble. C is who she talks to on her play cell phone all the time. Guess she's not so scared of him after all.

Last but certainly not least... today we had the beautiful and talented Bonnie Berry come take our family photos! Hooray! I have been waiting what seems like forever! Russell's family all lives here in Austin, but we have not had a picture taken of the entire family with all the grand kids. Bonnie was so patient with my inlaws, what a saint. Not to mention how cool she was with Leilani. She is camera shy and was having a difficult time adjusting to the commotion, she did warm up though, whew! I am sure Bonnie got LOTS of great shots, can't wait to see them!

Russell leaves for Ohio again tomorrow morning. :( Didn't he just get back?? Well, at least we'll see him for a week when we all go to Snowmass on the 20th! I miss him already and he hasn't even left yet! My mom leaves Thursday, I will be all alone, sigh. Lots of quality time with the kids! :)

Looking forward to the week... maybe it will be more restful than the weekend.

Too early to think about Christmas?

2008-07-04T22:37:00.000-05:00

I caught myself thinking about a gift I'd like to give Leilani for Christmas today, wtf? Christmas? Its July!!! I realized I have no idea how I have managed to go through half of a year and feel like I blinked. This has been the fastest 6 months of my life, no joke. Time sped up the minute Orion was born and I feel like I want to step on the breaks. I looked at some of my favorite photos on our fridge and realized they are almost a year old. We just took those vacations, right? How did the sweet newborn that I gave birth to turn into a crawling/standing/pseudo walking babe overnight? I missed the special moments that I got to have with Leilani. The cuddling for hours, the quiet book reading sessions, one on one play with baskets of colors and textures, all of those have never been an option with two in the house. I feel like they'll be moving out before I know it, and I won't know what happened to my life. I'd like to slow down.... right now. Maybe I need to stay home more often during the week, make family time a priority over errands or even *gasp* play dates (obviously not every day, can't live without the o'mamas). They will only be this small once, and I want to witness every moment (well almost). I'll have to think of more ways of slowing down... I think it will be better for the kids too. They will have a mother who is more present, more mindfully aware of the present.

It's gettin' hot in here

2008-06-30T08:30:00.000-05:00

Our house... wait.. that's a sauna. Yep, that's our house all right.

Our AC broke Saturday afternoon, ugh! We were fine until about 11 pm, it got up to about 87 degrees upstairs, and nobody could sleep. Thank goodness we left the house Sunday morning. Russ took the kiddos to my parents for the day while I went to a Craniosacral tutorial session. We ended up staying at my parents last night because the top temp in our house yesterday afternoon was 97 degrees upstairs and that was at the thermostat (where its cooler). Yuck and a half! I have to wait for the AC repair guys to call this morning, hopefully it will be fixed today so we can move back home. They just called Russell, they will be at our house between 12 and 6pm, nothing like being specific. At least they are coming today. woohoo!

Party crasher

2008-06-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

I must have said something to the stars last night because my hopes of a MNO were fulfilled! Hooray! I crashed a fabulous ladies night with a friend who was hanging with a girlfriend of hers. They let me tag along to the Melting Pot with them, mmmmmmmmmmm! The Melting Pot is my favorite restaurant, because I love cheese and chocolate and everything else that comes with the meal! Although I could only eat a portion (because of my highly restricted diet), it was delicious! The company was outstanding, and I had an awesome time!!! I felt much better after getting a much need break from mommy duties, and I even got to wear a dress, now how 'bout that? The funny thing about this picture above, I can't eat stawberries or chocolate. :)

I am making the baby move out

2008-06-28T19:21:00.000-05:00

10 weeks old... is that the last time he slept really well?? yikes

of our bedroom that is. We decided that after weeks, wait no, months of bad sleep for Orion AND Russ and I, that the sweet babe needs his own space. He's been in his crib, but attached to our bed like a cosleeper for a while now. When he learned to crawl we had to put the 4th wall up on the crib because he is ninja quiet and crawled out of bed and onto the floor 3 times in 2 days, no bueno. He wakes up if I roll over or heaven forbid I sneeze. I am hoping with the move to his room he'll sleep at least a little better than he does right now. I love sleeping with my babies, but alas I don't think my kids were cut out for longterm cosleeping, sigh. I think Russell is totally stoked about getting our room back, maybe he thinks he'll get more action if we don't have to do it downstairs. This could be good, for everybody!

"Some days are diamonds

2008-06-27T15:18:00.000-05:00

Others are crap." I know that's not the words to the song, but its how I am feeling this week. The kids will just not give me a flippin' break with the sleeping. Neither of them has napped worth a damn this week, and NEVER at the same time, ugh! As soon as Leilani goes down the baby decided to stay awake (even though he is clearly exhausted), then the minute he finally closes his eyes, Leilani is wide awake and LOUD! She comes dashing into my room where O sleeps and starts talking (really its whining this week) which in turn wakes the baby and I have to start all over again. I love my precious babies, but my patience is wearing thiiiiiiin. I need a mom's night out, BAD. This too shall pass, I know. I just wish it could be sooner rather than later. The baby is awake, what a suprise, more to come later.....

MNO discussion

2008-06-25T14:51:00.000-05:00

So Russ and I chatted a bit after the last Mom's night out (Tanya's coloring extravaganza). I happened to tell him that other mamas have to "pay" for MNO with "favors", and that I felt lucky because he just knew how much I needed them and doesn't bother to ask for anything in return. He looked at me, paused, then said "waaaait a second, the other husbands get sexual favors for letting their wives have a night out? How come I don't get that?" Oops, I should've kept my mouth shut. :) Then curiosity got the best of him... "How often do these guys get these favors? Something doesn't seem fair here." I know he's kidding, kinda. Love ya babe!

Awake before the sun

2008-06-25T06:26:00.000-05:00

One day, I will be able to sleep in past 5 :2oam or so. I just have to remind myself of this, over and over. My babes are killin' me here with the lack of sleep. What is soooo important that they have to get up this early EVERY DAY?! I am pleased that they enjoy life so much that they don't want to miss a minute, but for God's sake can't they please just let Mommy sleep in every once in a while? I sometimes wonder how much nicer I'd be if I got sleep on a regular basis. ;) Perhaps my libido ran away with my full luxurious night sleep? If anybody sees those two hanging out somewhere, please let me know, I'd like them both back in my life! ;)

Yet another day without Russell

2008-06-24T14:11:00.000-05:00

Picture taken in Columbus, May '08

Sigh..... Today is the second day without Russell. I miss him soooo much. I barely saw him while I was in school over the last week and weekend, then he left first thing yesterday for Louisville. It seems we have been crossing each others paths lately but barely enough time or energy to do more than smile, give a small hug and then keep on truckin'. He will be home tonight, late. Thank goodness. I owe him a Father's Day since I was miserable sick at the minor emergency all afternoon. He needs some Russell time, not doing yard work. I hope he doesn't have to turn around and head up to Columbus right away. It would be nice to see his handsome face every once in a while! another sigh...

Solstice Party

2008-06-23T22:46:00.000-05:00

Shawn and Steph threw the most beautiful Summer Solstice Garden Party last Friday night. They held it next to their fantastic garden, and Steph's food was Yum-O as usual. The theme was local fare... all ingredients were from Texas (with a few minor exceptions like where do you find olive oil in TX). She even bought a ferrel pig leg from the farmer's market, how cool is that? The beets, green beans and a few other things were from their garden and everything else was either grown in TX or better yet purchased from local farmer's markets and such. The dessert was a peach trio, mmmmm. She made a peach pie filling for fried peach pies, which she had made into a quart of Amy's Ice Cream as well, and a grilled peach with pearbutter goat cheese. I am drooling all over agian.

It was so nice to have some adult conversation with thier friends. Thanks Shawn and Stephanie for a wonderful evening!

I know very little...

2008-06-23T07:59:00.000-05:00

I have just finished 5 intense days immersed in the world of Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. I loved every second of it. After the first module about 9 weeks ago I felt as if I was on the right track but had no idea where I was going. After this module, I realize where I am going but I am intimidated by the "greatness" of this work. We learned the VERY basics of the occipital bone and the spheniod, the central nervous system, the respiratory diaphragm, and cerebral spinal fluid. With only that information I feel like I know 100x what I knew 9 weeks ago, but now I realize just how much studying and knowledge I still have to learn. phew. I got to experience first hand what a release feels like on the table. My partner "M", was palpating my nervous system when then wind began to blow. As soon as she connected with the nervous system, lightning struck outside and inside, literally. I had lots of pulling and shifting feelings in my neck and shoulder which brought on an emotion including tears from my solar plexus to the back of my ear. It was intense to say the least. I don't know what emotion I felt or what memory/trama/feeling it came from, but that's ok. Its not always important to know, if it needs to be seen it will show me in another way. I feel better now, I am still trying to process the entire event.
Another really cool thing we practiced is called "Body, low, slow, loop". Its a technique to deal with sensations or feeling in the body. Its great for healing trauma, but works wonders for small issues too. I look forward to sharing it with clients. Its too long to discuss via blog.
I feel like I have a lot more to bring to the table, literally. I can't wait to get my hands on more people to practice my new listening skills. A sweet girl from the TLC school is coming up tonight to get a session. Its a nice feeling to practice on people who have a visceral knowledge of their own bodies, it makes my job easier when they can describe sensations in their bodies. I also love working with people with no prior knowledge, since they have no expectations, it lowers my performance anxiety.
Now if only I could figure out a way to teach Leilani body, low, slow,loop to calm herself down. :)